Who do I have to sleep with…. (NSFW).. and um, Clown. I think.

to get some damn Horseradish Cheese?! Seriously.

I am serious, who?

I have no idea what I’m going to write about, and yet I can already tell I am going to need to add a NSFW disclaimer. Although.. I am SURE if you have been paying any amount of attention – that probably should go without saying. Haha. But, just in case we have any newbies ..let me just slap that up there..alright annnnnd we are good.

It seems I’ve been coming to write here less and less. I should knock that off.  So MANY things have happen in the last 6 months. Terribly bad things, and some incredibly enjoyable (and then some). So I think we should play “Catriona Catch up”, which for the record, is waaaaay different than “Catriona Ketchup”. That’s just a friendly FYI if you didn’t already know.

Alright, on with the Recap of how fucked Catriona’s life is! Hahahah.  It’s not going to be very detailed, for the most part. I just feel we should all be on the same page here. lol.

So if you have been following me, and there are a lot of you that do (I see you), you know the month of February was life altering annnnnnnd I lost my face. And my head, and some other things I really need. My son’s other parent went into the ICU at the same time as one of my closest friends. Both were close to death.  (Oh and my sister committed the ultimate betrayal.)

Then the months kind of blend together. Hell lived in my house, and my heart.

My friend went from losing a leg, to having two heart attacks, and several other potentially life ending situations, to a nursing home. It continues to be a “Fresh Hell” rollercoaster every day for him (and those who love him).

In April, April? Yeah April, no. Maybe May? I have no idea. Anyway, one of those months brought my mother the gift of Cancer, again.  I was still on my face from February.   

I dropped some weight. Lost my boobs. If anyone locates them, please return to the address labeled.

Also in June -I traveled to see my mother. She is dying. We’ve become closer than ever. She’s a mess, but we are dealing with it.

What else, what else…oh yeah…

OH, I threw my son a Minion party. It was a blast.

I wrapped water bottles in duct tape and made, sigh, twinkie (gack) minions. hahha. It was held outdoors. You know you did something right when every child goes home covered in mud from head to toe. lmao. My son love it.

hmmm what else happened in the last few months…

I learned the truth about bananas:

I think that’s all I got.

I think you are all caught up.. WAIT NO. THIS HAPPENED TO ME:

I, um. I love clowns I do. BUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!

FUCK. Now I have to go put up a Clown warning. .

Alright, I think we are done with the recap. HAHAHAH!

Also, I’m just going to leave this here: 

Hope you all are well, LMAO.

Catriona