Tag Archives: WTF

I should just write “Titties”.

Whoooooa. I didn’t expect the response I got from you all when I popped back on here. LOL. I opened my email, and my messages to such lovely notes. HUGS. Thank you for that. It was needed. Seriously.

Did anyone else read “Titties” when reading my last tittle? No? It’s just me? Oh well. Every time I see it I find myself thinking “My titties never match my content? What? Oh. HA. duh.”

For the love of coffee, the new format for WordPress and these “Blocks” shenanigans are rather annoying. I need to mess with it more because my stars is it pissing me off. Or, maybe it’s the lack of coffee. Yeah. It’s the lack of coffee.

Oh look a new block.

AND ANOTHER ONE!

“Type / to choose a block” BITCH WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!? Yeah. It’s definitely the lack of coffee.

Wait. Hold on. Maybe theses blocks and I can be friends; A few clicks and you guys can see all the weird shit in my google photos. Aren’t you lucky? hahah.

Alright. Well. I have to take one of the kids to the dentist. So, pants. I guess.

Catriona XOXOX

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I think it’s time for a dump.

A photo dump,  that is.. Hahaha
Let’s see what weird crap is on my phone. ..

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Someone sent this to me and I think I laughed for an hour.

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I donno who Jose is,  but I must have liked his post.  Lmao

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Hahaha hah FYI!

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Oh,  I made this.  Hahah.  That’s my favorite of all my antique frames.

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The water and sunsets on this side,  are so,  so beautiful!

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Yep,  that lives in my phone.

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Yeah,  I went there.  This also lives in my phone.  And I laugh every time I see it.

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💚💚💚💚💚

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For the record here: I DID NOT intent to post this.  I knew it was in my phone,  but didn’t even see it when I went looking… Then my screen went black and it had populated here……   … Let’s just move along..

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Hahaha THIS.

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Annnnnnd there you have it.

I hope you all are well.  I miss you all.  I have not forgotten about you. I hope to have the time to post more and read more.  Some of the people I have met here have truly made a difference in my life,  and I am so grateful for all of you. Except you.  And Maybe you.  You know who you are.

So… Tell me how you all are!!!

Xoxoox
Catriona

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Floating around in nothingness.

I’m having such a hard time with life. My marriage was a disaster in the end. It truly was. But, the first few years before she became ill were fantastic. I’m not even sure what I am doing any more.

 

I’m wounded.

Probably more than I’ve ever been in my life. As of February 8th, two years ago, I clutched the phone with my head and shoulder as I pulled the lifeless body of my wife from our bed to the floor for resuscitation.. A day I see every day, several times a day, when both awake and asleep, relentlessly. Treatment for the subsequent PTSD and anxiety disorders are a joke. Even my doctors have called it, collectively. She was the only person I ever truly loved aside from my son. My wife was without oxygen for a damaging amount of time, something they told me while I stood in the ICU for a week could take her away from us mentally, physically, or both.

When she eventually woke, she was no longer my wife. The person I brought back from death wasn’t MY wife at all. And even tho she lived, I swear I died in that room that day. Our situation both before and after that day broke me. I cried everyday where she couldn’t see because I couldn’t help her, because no one could help us, Because she was so messed up, because I was so messed up. I broke under the pressure. She beat on me emotionally and physically because of her issues, yet I would do it again, truly I would. I know she knew what she was doing half the time. And the other half I think her soul was being called somewhere else and she had no idea what she was doing. She told me the day I moved out that we would be married again some day, that we needed to heal apart, that she loved me, that it was killing her to see me go. Months later I could see both deep love and deep hate in her eyes. We got worse apart, not better. I truly believed one day I’d get MY wife back, some day, maybe years but, maybe one day. I would have walked thru hell (and in some ways I did) to heal her, to have kept her, MY HER. After years of failing to help her I was resentful because I was drowning/hurting/helpless and couldn’t see the light. I made mistakes at the end of our relationship. Not the ones I was accused of, but mistakes nonetheless. I will carry them with me everyday. A few weeks ago, short of the two year mark, she died.

She was no longer my wife, or mine in any way.

My son’s other parent is gone, and when I got home I had to tell him while holding my shredded heart in my hands, while trying to hold his together. Through all the hurt, though all the pain, if given the choice I’d walk through hell,  blind if need be,  to find her and drag her out. I’d do it every day if I could have back the woman I fell in love with so many years ago.

Don’t waste time, it’s running out. 

Due to my wife’s illness, and perception of the situation, coupled with a former “Friend” of mine crossing lines and contacting my wife out of anger for me, saying who knows what – I wasn’t even made aware when she died. My son did not get to say good bye, they would not allow him at the service, or speak to us at all. My Wife and I weren’t on bad terms. But, someone trying to hurt me ended up hurting my son more. My son lost his mom, and his Grandmother in the same week, and was left on the sidelines all because of vengeance.

You never know who people are. Even if you have known them for years. I cannot even believe the things that have transpired.

Hold your loved ones. Tell your friends how much they mean to you. Identify and walk away from the ones that truly aren’t your friends. Tell the people in your life you love them once a day.

life with my wife toward the end was a horror show. I used this site as an outlet for my anger always thinking that in the end I would be able to write about the good things that would happen in the future. It was always my hope that she would get it together, and be around for my son. I know it was a long shot. I know it was stupid. but, I always had a spark of hope.

That hope died when she did.

My son is shattered.

But, everyday we talk about one good memory we shared with her. Some times the only way out, is though.

OXOXOXO

Catriona

 

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I have no back burner

You know how you have subjects and thoughts that you just….throw on the back burner and touch on them ever so often? Well, I don’t have one. I have a thought hurricane. It’s a constant tornado of thoughts. (Not to be confused with a ‘Pornado’, that would be fun.) My brain just never stops.

In September I moved.

In October my Aunt started to get sick.

In November I  spent 3 weeks sitting beside my Gram’s best friend (Aunt) as she died of lung cancer. She was diagnosed, and within 3 weeks she was gone. Gram and I drove the 35 mins everyday to and from the Hospital to be with her.

 

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I did a lot of sitting on the ledge praying, looking down from the seventh floor.

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This was taken the day before she died. I was sitting next to her bed, I had been holding her up. She was so weak toward the end.

In December I met someone wonderful.

In January my heart was shredded by the loss of yet another family member from lung cancer, and the loss of my actual heart. Telling my son was just as painful as the three actual losses. I cannot express my life at the moment. 

I have not forgotten about cards, you guys. As you can see…uh, things are not settled. ha.

I just noticed the dirty sock on my desk. wtf?

Catriona

 

 

 

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Do you need dating advice? My 10 year old can help.

Apparently my 10 year old son knows more about dating than I do. 

We walked by a bridal store today. These stores NEVER catch my eye. Ever. But the dress in the window caused me to come to a complete stop. It was stunning. I muttered something about weddings. And the most bizarre conversation then proceeded to take place between my son and I:

Well if you want to get married, there are steps you know. You have to date. Then you fall in love. Then you have a baby. Then you get married. – Kid

*raised eye brow* Oh?

Yes. You need to date. – Kid

Um. No, I don’t.

Yes, you do. It would be good for you. – Kid

What? How would you know. 

I just do. – Kid

I don’t need to date, Kid. I am fine. 

No, you need to start dating. It will get your mind of (insert contents on my brain, here). – Kid

WHAT? That is not how it works child. You don’t date to get your mind off things and people. You do it to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It just so happens I am not down for that at this moment. 

Yeah, I know, but it will help, and you could find someone… That would make you happy, and wear that dress. *giggles* – Kid

Whoa kid. No, I am not wearing that dress, and I am not dating. 

Yes you are. – Kid

No, I’m not. I am not interested in dating, at all. The dress was beautiful, that’s all. 

Now, mind you, this entire conversation took place at one of our local shopping centers.

You should be. – Kid

What? Why?

Because you are beautiful, and you should date while you are still beautiful. – Kid

WHAT? *lols* are you saying time is running out on my beauty? *woman rounds the corner to come down the isle* Trust me lady, you don’t want ANY of this isle. 

*giggles* You should just try. – Kid

I have tried. 

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MESS IT UP? – Kid

Oh my starts kid, I didn’t mess it up (almost dying in laughter now). It just didn’t work. 

WHAT DID YOU DO? – Kid

I didn’t DOOOO anything. It just didn’t work out. 

You need to start dating again, mom. – Kid

WHAT DO YOU GET OUT OF IT, CHILD?

Nothing, I just think it will help you. – Kid

Help me what?

Well, I am getting older you know, what happens when I am not around? – Kid

YOU ARE TEN.

Yeah. You should date. – Kid

Oh my god, Kid. 

You can go on dinners and fall in love, and forget about Mom.  – Kid

That’s not how it works. 

Just do it. *pointing to Nike shoes* – Kid

Kid, you are killing me. I am going to sell you on the Black Market. 

No you’re not. – Kid

Yes I am. Stop touching stuff. You are getting your boy hands all over the girly stuff. 

Don’t change the subject. – Kid

I am selling you *Yells out in the middle of the store* CHILD FOR SALE!

*Falling over giggling* – Kid

I donno why you are laughing. I am selling you RIGHT NOW. 

Nope. You are going to start dating RIGHT NOW. – Kid

Yeah. Right after I sell you. 

Fine. You know you attract a lot of attention. It would be easy for you. – Kid

CHILD, CHILD FOR SALE! *all four ladies in line are laughing, the cashier is shaking her head. Though I am not sure which one of us should was more unimpressed with.* What the hell, kid. I will date when I am ready. 

Now? – Kid

NO.

How about now? – Kid

I am going to leave you here.

I know how to get home. – Kid

I am running away. 

With a date? – Kid

OH MY STARS CHILD. 

It went on like this for about an hour. Apparently I need to start dating. He doesn’t care who. He doesn’t even care what I do, I just need to date, someone, anyone. LMAO.

I couldn’t sell him btw. No one would take him. Maybe they figured he gave faulty advice. 

I have got to go to bed. Maybe I will find a date there.

OXOXOOX

Catriona

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Accidental Art installation By Gram

Today Sucked.

However when I came home from picking up my child I opened the door to the smell of burning plastic.

Which, really, can only mean two things: 1. Grams gotten into the Crack again, or 2. Gram forgot about the bread in the oven and turned it on, again.

 

To my surprise is wasn’t Crack (OK, kidding. My Gram wouldn’t even know what that was).

Fresh Baked Bread, anyone?

LMAO

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Goodnight friends

OXOXO

Catriona

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Just add it to the list.

So you guys know the Universe and I have been fighting.

In Feb I spent a week in the ICU with Drs telling me that my significant other had lost too much oxygen, they weren’t sure there was any brain activity. I had managed to resuscitate before the EMTs showed up, but it took over a week to see brain activity. That person that I brought back isn’t the one I married.

Also in Feb, my close friend lost his leg, had two heart attacks, and lost a part of his mind along the way.

That same month, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer for the fourth time. This one being the one the Drs said would finally get her.

I was diagnosed with PTSD, so was my son as a result of finding a dead body in my bed.

I had been taking care of this person for three years, on Feb 8th that person died. What I brought back was a nightmare. Now, I am not saying that the three years prior was a cake walk. I took care of everything. The Money, the bills, the house, the animals, the child, the homework, the volunteering at the school, everything. There wasn’t a thing that wasn’t my responsibility. But after Feb our house became volatile. Hostile. Terrible. Horrid. And, I was still taking care of everything. I was being treated in ways I wont disclose.

Last week, I packed up my son without notice and brought him to live with his grandparents while I pack up the house.

I’m losing/lost everything. My mother, my friend, my sister. My marriage, my house. When I moved in here this house was a WRECK. like WHOA. I built this house that I am leaving. I trained the dog I can’t keep. I am leaving here with nothing; oh wait I get to keep the kitchen table.  I’m losing all the effort, everything I worked for.

I’m leaving here with HORRID credit b/c there were medical supplies, and insurance that HAD to be obtained, so I let my personal bills go. I’ve sold everything to take care of it all. Granted, I don’t pay rent any more here – this is my Mother in laws house that we had planned on buying, and I have worked damn hard on it. But, I think being a nurse to someone for three years, paying for everything else, and taking care of EVERYTHING evens that out a bit (It doesn’t ask them both).

However, what little I do have left that was valuable, my electronics, is been kept here.  My Ex using the line “This is mine b/c of all they money YOU owe my mother.” At first I was going to fight it, now I am just letting it all go. It’s not worth the fight. I have my kid, and his stuff. That is all that matters.

I’m leaving with the loss of the life I built for my family, for my son. I’m leaving with the damage that has been done to my son. The loss of  my dog, my two cats, my credit, my personal possessions, and all I get to keep is the kitchen table, and the PTSD.

And to top it all off, my son’s other parent couldn’t get out of bed for the last three years, but came home with a brand new 700.00 cell phone last week, and is on vacation right now (getting hammered a friend) while I wait and pray to the stars that the town house I applied to last week accepts me, so I can move my son and what little I have left into a new life.

OH wait, AND – I don’t even get to leave here with my privacy b/c the person who couldn’t even take out the trash for the last three years, had my cell phone hacked last week obtained my journal, my texts, and all of my photos. Good thing I have nothing to hide.

There’s so much more, but just add it all to the list.

Please send positive thoughts my way that I get this town house, my son and I are drowning.

Catriona

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WHAT?!! (Warning post made in a facility that may contain clowns) *EDIT

It’s August! Yep it is, do you know know what that means?! OCTOBER IS ALMOST HERE. Gosh I love that month.

HOWEVER. Did you know that August contains National Clown Week? WHAT? I sure as hell didn’t, and I’m pretty mad at myself about it. I’m all about Clowns HOW DID I MISS THIS? I didn’t get a memo, WHO FORGOT TO SEND THE MEMO!?

I hate when I miss the memos. I feel like it’s another C- string moment.

I only know because of a post on The Coulrophobia Blog (click here), and WTF HOW DID I NOT KNOW?! AHHH!

I still can’t say the word ‘Coulrophobia’, by the way.

I’m pissed. PEOPLE, START SENDING ME THE FRIGGEN MEMOS. 

That is all.

 

OXOXOX

Catriona

* So apparently I’m a jackhole. Hhahaha Mocha DID give me a memo about this, I’m just ridiculous and forgot. HOW THE FUCK I FORGOT THAT IS BEYOND ME. However, WHY IS MOCHA THE ONLY ONE SENDING ME FUCKING MEMOS ABOUT THESE THINGS?!

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You better watch it, or she’ll deck you.

(For the record, I haven’t actually decked anyone in a long time. I think.)

 

Do you remember the Humpy-the-Post-office-Guy? (if not, click here)  Wellllll……I went into the post office the other day. (HAHHAH.) It’s too bad there was only a few people in there. So I get up to the counter, and the Teller points at me and says something to the other tellers that I didn’t catch.  (I by the way, had forgotten about Humpy, momentarily) All the tellers get this HUGE smile on their faces and BURST into laughter. One of them yells “You better not stand too close, or she’ll deck you.” This went right over my head:

Me -Huh?

TellerYou don’t remember that?

MeThreatening to deck someone? No. 

Teller That guy the other day. 

MeOH. That guy. Yeah. He was humping my leg. 

 

By this time one of the Tellers disappeared and reappeared with the Post Master who was laughing so hard I thought he was going to split.his.pants. 

 

PMYou know you were the talk of the whole office. 

MeOh?

PM -Yeah! But, really that guy is hard of hearing.

Me –Um, ok, but he was standing so close to me I could feel his gender. 

PM & TellersOHHHHHHHH we didn’t know that. 

Me –Uh, yeah, and I had moved away several times, even offered for him to cut me in line, yet he continued. 

PMOH we had no idea. 

Me –  Yeah, and I am pretty sure him leaning in to whisper in my ear, so close that he is touching me, has nothing to do with his deafness. 

PM & Tellers – OH! (weird silence)

Me – Yeah. Anyway, I’ll see you guys soon, and we will see who else I can yell at!

The entire post office erupts in laughter. 

 

BTW – a woman in line butted in to say how she would have kicked his ass. UM, NO. We don’t beat on the elderly. We reprimand them. Stupid chick.

Hell, when I’m that old, I will be copping a feel. I just hope I will still have the ability to acknowledge a hint at that age.

 

Photo dump time!

Theses are from the other day. I went for a really long walk.

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Have I mentioned I like abandoned buildings ?

 

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Catriona

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STOP HUMPING MY FRIGGEN LEG.

So, while in the Post Office, standing in line with about 15 people in front on me, I feel and hear a whisper in my ear “you need to move forward”.  Now this guy was so close to me, he was just about touching my neck. I moved forward, said something about him not having to be so close to me, and continued filling out my label. Not even 30 second later he was right up against me again. Soooo, again, I moved a bit forward trying not to crowd the woman in front of me. Annnnnd again he moved so close to me  that he could have been humping my leg if he twitched even in the slightest way. So, I am sure we all know what I did next.  I causes a ruckus. I’m damn good at causing a scene.

I yelled something about him “humping my Fucking leg” and “I’ve moved three times because of it, you do NOT need to be that close to me!”

Small USPS store means the whole office, patrons, and all the tellers heard.  The guy put both of his hands on the counter as if he was used to being made to account for his hands, and said not a word more.

I went to the next teller, and as always asked how his grandbabies were while everyone stared are the freak behind me. Snarl.

UGH.

 

Anyway. I have a photo dump for you all. These are from the last few days.

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One of the loves in my life.

Walking around the last few days to clear my head.

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Also, while in the store I found some Spotted Dick – I’m VERY familiar with that. But, what the hell is Treacle (in a can)? And, is it just me, or does it look wayyyyy worse next to the Spotted Dick?

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On my way home yesterday this was on the sidewalk of a construction site:

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Hope you are all well.

XOXOXO

Catriona

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