Tag Archives: Emotions

Let me read you this book…

Of course my kid would choose and get accepted to a private college, out of state.

Offfffff course it would cost 40k a year. Of course. Even with the college fund and my savings – it’s a four year program. sigh (that’s after the massive scholarship).

Maybe I should learn to make penis socks.

Stand on the corner maybe? I think I’m too old to get on the pole.

I never asked my kid’s bio father for child support. Man am I kicking myself now. Kidding. Fucking that.

Even if I kick the bucket right now, my life insurance would only cover two years of school. LOL

What if I start an OnlyFans of me sitting in the backyard reading aloud nineteenth-century literature? Because really I feel like that’s all I am capable of.

To the back yard I go!

Catriona

XOXOXO

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Its where I keep the lightening

Yesterday, while talking to a dear friend, I was explaining what I do at work when she interrupted to say “I cannot figure out what you are made of”. Without even thinking about what she meant I blurted: “Sarcasm. I’m made of sarcasm. And caffeine. Oh and some dark clouds. It’s where I keep the lightening. And maybe a few plants. Yeah, plants.”

She laughed and said she thought maybe I was a Willow tree because I bend, but don’t ever break.

I think she gives me too much credit. She always does.

Today, speaking to my oldest friend he said to me: “You only survived me being a tornado because you were a bigger one.” I laughed so hard. Harder than I probably should have. But he was right. He only survived me because when tornadoes collide there really is no damage to the tornadoes themselves. They just rotate around one another until they eventually break free and go on their separate ways.

It’s funny how the Universe chooses to bring things to your attention.

Willow Trees & Tornadoes. That is all.

Catriona

XOXOXOX

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Sike Bitches, Pansy never left

Anyone order a Breakthrough PTSD episode? Anyone? No? Must have been me.

It’s my own fault. I got cocky. I poked the bear too many times in too short of a time period. Coming back here. Reading old entries. Allowing my brain the open that file again. Looking at things I usually avoid.

Cleaning my room out, trying to get rid of things. Somehow my oldest computer is out and my kid is calling my name. I look up and “I found something”. The look on my kid’s face. Sigh.

It was in the disc drive of the computer I’ve avoided for years.

I’m a crying mess. I haven’t been like this in over two years. Turns out I’m not better, I’m just busy. Hahahah. Fuck. FUCK.

Now I’m sleeping (not sleeping at all) next to my laundry because cleaning came to a screeching hault.

Can we not? Can we not do this? Fuckkkkkkkk. It’s 3:56am and I have to be up at 9 for the kid’s ortho and then work. The sky was weird today; I knew I shouldn’t have pushed my luck.

Catriona

Xoxoxo

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I think it’s time for a dump.

A photo dump,  that is.. Hahaha
Let’s see what weird crap is on my phone. ..

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Someone sent this to me and I think I laughed for an hour.

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I donno who Jose is,  but I must have liked his post.  Lmao

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Hahaha hah FYI!

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Oh,  I made this.  Hahah.  That’s my favorite of all my antique frames.

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The water and sunsets on this side,  are so,  so beautiful!

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Yep,  that lives in my phone.

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Yeah,  I went there.  This also lives in my phone.  And I laugh every time I see it.

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💚💚💚💚💚

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For the record here: I DID NOT intent to post this.  I knew it was in my phone,  but didn’t even see it when I went looking… Then my screen went black and it had populated here……   … Let’s just move along..

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Hahaha THIS.

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Annnnnnd there you have it.

I hope you all are well.  I miss you all.  I have not forgotten about you. I hope to have the time to post more and read more.  Some of the people I have met here have truly made a difference in my life,  and I am so grateful for all of you. Except you.  And Maybe you.  You know who you are.

So… Tell me how you all are!!!

Xoxoox
Catriona

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I have no back burner

You know how you have subjects and thoughts that you just….throw on the back burner and touch on them ever so often? Well, I don’t have one. I have a thought hurricane. It’s a constant tornado of thoughts. (Not to be confused with a ‘Pornado’, that would be fun.) My brain just never stops.

In September I moved.

In October my Aunt started to get sick.

In November I  spent 3 weeks sitting beside my Gram’s best friend (Aunt) as she died of lung cancer. She was diagnosed, and within 3 weeks she was gone. Gram and I drove the 35 mins everyday to and from the Hospital to be with her.

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I did a lot of sitting on the ledge praying, looking down from the seventh floor.

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This was taken the day before she died. I was sitting next to her bed, I had been holding her up. She was so weak toward the end.

In January my heart was shredded by the loss of yet another family member from lung cancer, and the loss of my actual heart. Telling my son was just as painful as the three actual losses. I cannot express my life at the moment.

I have not forgotten about cards, you guys. As you can see…uh, things are not settled. ha.

I just noticed the dirty sock on my desk. wtf?

Catriona

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Just add it to the list.

So you guys know the Universe and I have been fighting.

In Feb I spent a week in the ICU with Drs telling me that my significant other had lost too much oxygen, they weren’t sure there was any brain activity. I had managed to resuscitate before the EMTs showed up, but it took over a week to see brain activity. That person that I brought back isn’t the one I married.

Also in Feb, my close friend lost his leg, had two heart attacks, and lost a part of his mind along the way.

That same month, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer for the fourth time. This one being the one the Drs said would finally get her.

I was diagnosed with PTSD, so was my son as a result of finding a dead body in my bed.

I had been taking care of this person for three years, on Feb 8th that person died. What I brought back was a nightmare. Now, I am not saying that the three years prior was a cake walk. I took care of everything. The Money, the bills, the house, the animals, the child, the homework, the volunteering at the school, everything. There wasn’t a thing that wasn’t my responsibility. But after Feb our house became volatile. Hostile. Terrible. Horrid. And, I was still taking care of everything. I was being treated in ways I wont disclose.

Last week, I packed up my son without notice and brought him to live with his grandparents while I pack up the house.

I’m losing/lost everything. My mother, my friend, my sister. My marriage, my house. When I moved in here this house was a WRECK. like WHOA. I built this house that I am leaving. I trained the dog I can’t keep. I am leaving here with nothing; oh wait I get to keep the kitchen table.  I’m losing all the effort, everything I worked for.

I’m leaving here with HORRID credit b/c there were medical supplies, and insurance that HAD to be obtained, so I let my personal bills go. I’ve sold everything to take care of it all. Granted, I don’t pay rent any more here – this is my Mother in laws house that we had planned on buying, and I have worked damn hard on it. But, I think being a nurse to someone for three years, paying for everything else, and taking care of EVERYTHING evens that out a bit (It doesn’t ask them both).

However, what little I do have left that was valuable, my electronics, is been kept here.  My Ex using the line “This is mine b/c of all they money YOU owe my mother.” At first I was going to fight it, now I am just letting it all go. It’s not worth the fight. I have my kid, and his stuff. That is all that matters.

I’m leaving with the loss of the life I built for my family, for my son. I’m leaving with the damage that has been done to my son. The loss of  my dog, my two cats, my credit, my personal possessions, and all I get to keep is the kitchen table, and the PTSD.

And to top it all off, my son’s other parent couldn’t get out of bed for the last three years, but came home with a brand new 700.00 cell phone last week, and is on vacation right now (getting hammered a friend) while I wait and pray to the stars that the town house I applied to last week accepts me, so I can move my son and what little I have left into a new life.

OH wait, AND – I don’t even get to leave here with my privacy b/c the person who couldn’t even take out the trash for the last three years, had my cell phone hacked last week obtained my journal, my texts, and all of my photos. Good thing I have nothing to hide.

There’s so much more, but just add it all to the list.

Please send positive thoughts my way that I get this town house, my son and I are drowning.

Catriona

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You better watch it, or she’ll deck you.

(For the record, I haven’t actually decked anyone in a long time. I think.)

 

Do you remember the Humpy-the-Post-office-Guy? (if not, click here)  Wellllll……I went into the post office the other day. (HAHHAH.) It’s too bad there was only a few people in there. So I get up to the counter, and the Teller points at me and says something to the other tellers that I didn’t catch.  (I by the way, had forgotten about Humpy, momentarily) All the tellers get this HUGE smile on their faces and BURST into laughter. One of them yells “You better not stand too close, or she’ll deck you.” This went right over my head:

Me -Huh?

TellerYou don’t remember that?

MeThreatening to deck someone? No. 

Teller That guy the other day. 

MeOH. That guy. Yeah. He was humping my leg. 

 

By this time one of the Tellers disappeared and reappeared with the Post Master who was laughing so hard I thought he was going to split.his.pants. 

 

PMYou know you were the talk of the whole office. 

MeOh?

PM -Yeah! But, really that guy is hard of hearing.

Me –Um, ok, but he was standing so close to me I could feel his gender. 

PM & TellersOHHHHHHHH we didn’t know that. 

Me –Uh, yeah, and I had moved away several times, even offered for him to cut me in line, yet he continued. 

PMOH we had no idea. 

Me –  Yeah, and I am pretty sure him leaning in to whisper in my ear, so close that he is touching me, has nothing to do with his deafness. 

PM & Tellers – OH! (weird silence)

Me – Yeah. Anyway, I’ll see you guys soon, and we will see who else I can yell at!

The entire post office erupts in laughter. 

 

BTW – a woman in line butted in to say how she would have kicked his ass. UM, NO. We don’t beat on the elderly. We reprimand them. Stupid chick.

Hell, when I’m that old, I will be copping a feel. I just hope I will still have the ability to acknowledge a hint at that age.

 

Photo dump time!

Theses are from the other day. I went for a really long walk.

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Have I mentioned I like abandoned buildings ?

 

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Catriona

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STOP HUMPING MY FRIGGEN LEG.

So, while in the Post Office, standing in line with about 15 people in front on me, I feel and hear a whisper in my ear “you need to move forward”.  Now this guy was so close to me, he was just about touching my neck. I moved forward, said something about him not having to be so close to me, and continued filling out my label. Not even 30 second later he was right up against me again. Soooo, again, I moved a bit forward trying not to crowd the woman in front of me. Annnnnd again he moved so close to me  that he could have been humping my leg if he twitched even in the slightest way. So, I am sure we all know what I did next.  I causes a ruckus. I’m damn good at causing a scene.

I yelled something about him “humping my Fucking leg” and “I’ve moved three times because of it, you do NOT need to be that close to me!”

Small USPS store means the whole office, patrons, and all the tellers heard.  The guy put both of his hands on the counter as if he was used to being made to account for his hands, and said not a word more.

I went to the next teller, and as always asked how his grandbabies were while everyone stared are the freak behind me. Snarl.

UGH.

 

Anyway. I have a photo dump for you all. These are from the last few days.

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One of the loves in my life.

Walking around the last few days to clear my head.

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Also, while in the store I found some Spotted Dick – I’m VERY familiar with that. But, what the hell is Treacle (in a can)? And, is it just me, or does it look wayyyyy worse next to the Spotted Dick?

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On my way home yesterday this was on the sidewalk of a construction site:

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Hope you are all well.

XOXOXO

Catriona

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You guys are WEIRD. (Warning: content was made in a facility that uses clowns)

You all will like a post about me molesting a (plastic) owl’s butt for the pleasure of my lips (gloss), but if I even mention CLOWNS –  only a few of you like it. Hahahhaha I know you guys saw it. I’m a stalker like that. HAHHAHHAHAHA. No seriously. But, it’s OK. I understand. lmao.

If you have used your eye holes, you will see I’ve attached a warning to my title. This is not only because it amuses me – but because a follower of mine expressed a true phobia of clowns. I ❤ my followers. (You may also want to stay away from my twitter for a few more days if you don’t do clowns well…..)

The Northampton clown has promised something big for the end of the week people! I can’t wait!

Ok Ok oOOOooooooK..so enough about clowns.

Oh damn, I hear work calling my name. . . .

Catriona

 

 

 

 

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I heart me some clowns. HARD.

Don’t judge me. Jerks.

I’ve always loved clowns. And masks for that matter; but that’s a whole separate subject (obsession?). When I was a child my room was filled with clowns of all types. From creepy to adorable, I had a room full of terror for those with a phobia – which I never understood (tho I really don’t understand phobias like should anyway, I suspect. I have none and don’t get it). I remember some of my friends screamed and ran from my room upon first visit. So worth it. hah. Ahhhhhhh Childhood.

Annnny way, if you follow my twitter of facebook you’d know I’m so completely enthralled by the UK clown. The Northampton clown has so many people’s nickers in a bunch that I almost can’t take it. Flippin’ hilarious. Oh and NOW there’s a “Clown catcher” dressed as a super hero. He goes out at night in hopes of catching the clown. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!! Some times the universe comes thru for me entertainment wise; I could just hug it for this tremendous gift. ahahahahaha.

Twitter is blowing up with reactions – both good and bad. I’ve been so busy watching the action I haven’t done a damn thing that could be considered productive. Look it up on twitter, I dare you: #Northhamptonclown. You will be amused. Or scared to death. One of those.

Sorry for the poorly written post -I’ve gotta get back to the clown watch. stat.

Catriona

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