My check engine light is on

I’ve hit a wall.

I am a firm believer that when you or your family hit a wall you move the wall. Break it, blow that shit up, you do whatever you need to. Hitting a wall is just a pause or a warning. You reevaluate. You move the wall.

I’m burned out. I pushed hard when we got hit with Covid. I pushed harder than I have ever pushed to make sure I could take care of my family. People were losing jobs, told to go home all over the world. I was not going to be one of them. People were losing their homes or living on borrowed time because they couldn’t pay their rent. It was only a matter of time for them. Healthcare professionals were being sent home in droves, or sent into forced early retirement. It was bonkers. That was not going to happen to us. I pushed. I moved up twice. I took on Covid from the beginning even when we didn’t know what we were working with because my coworkers were just kids. Scared kids. I headed the covid “Team” because I wasn’t scared (not in the way everyone else was). I knew scared people make mistakes. All it would have taken was one scared kid making a mistake and taking out the entire team. In in beginning, even highly trained professionals were breaking under pressure, so it had to be me. So, I did it. Every day until I couldn’t. For over a year I was one of two that responded to EVERY Covid patient. I was the one that directed how we handled things. It was the only thing I could do to help. I ended up with my own team, and then my own shift. I moved the wall more times than I can explain to you. I’m tired now. I’m a workaholic and for the first time in my life I need a break. Even when I’m sick I don’t sit down. I need to sit the fuck down. (Click here if you are new here – might help. lol)

I just explained it to my other half like this: “My check engine light is on. You know the one that comes on even when everything seems fine, but you know that it’s only a matter of time before everything comes to a full stop? Yeah. That. My check engine light is on.”

I have to change courses and slow down. Maybe the new trash human taking over as Supervisor is the Universe intervening. Horrible timing tho, wtf Universe. Braces and college, hello?

So, back to the drawing board. Working on some passive income so I can slow down at work. Or, you know, if that fails I will be that 40 year old on the pole at your local dance club. Hahahahah.

Off to ignore the laundry on my bed.

Catriona

XOXOXO

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4 thoughts on “My check engine light is on

  1. justteejay says:

    Please please please take care of you. I know that it is easy to ignore that check engine light while putting out fires. There was a long note after that which I have deleted. Just please take care of you.

  2. C.A. Post says:

    Your blogs would be more interesting if you lose the foul language. Makes you look unintelligent when you cannot express yourself civilly.

  3. Oh C.A., don’t do that; Oh my that’s a crappy look you’ve chosen for yourself at the moment, isn’t it? The thing is what you and I both have, these blogs, they are a way to express ourselves in any way we choose. Any way that feels right to us. I find humor in the fact that I am in NO way aligned with your religious beliefs however, I chose to read your entries a while back without mentioning my opinion, I just took in, listening to yours. Your pages are dipping, and I mean dripping in “God”. Those parts, I find unpleasantly uninteresting. Painful even but, It’s the way you CHOOSE to express yourself. Annnnnnd yet here you are on my outlet for expression complaining about how I choose to express….LMAO. Almost musical. But while you are here C.A., ohhhh while you are here invading MY space with YOUR opinion. I will go ahead and show you just a bit of the reason I choose to stop reading your blog. Example A: “the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) virus pandemic”. Now, the important part to notice in alllllll of this my friend, is that you had no idea I stopped reading, or why. I just minded my own business when I found something I couldn’t support. Weird right? So. Um. Hint Hint there my good buddy. But, before you go, C.A. – before you go! I just have one question. Just one. How do you feel about Penis Socks?

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