Monthly Archives: July 2015

Gram’s got my back (I’m obnoxious)

Excuse me,  you and your girlfriend just cut my mom off.- me

(In public,  I call Gram mom. All you Grams understand why.)

The fuck I did. – Asshat in line with the girlfriend.

Oh my,  you look like you’ve had a bad day… – me

YOU look like you need to get LAID. – Asshat

*laughing* You couldn’t be more right,  your girlfriend available? – Me

CATRIONA! – Gram

What? She’s hot,  don’t you think so? – Me

You ARE very pretty Miss.  – Gram

*smiles at the chick* – me

*Chick smiles back*

WHAT THE.. – Asshat

I’m sorry we cut you off, here go ahead. – girlfriend *smiles*

HA!

Also,  she wasn’t pretty and Gram whispered so in my ear later.

Oh man,  you aren’t kidding.  – me

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Spots of Happiness

About three weeks ago I found myself standing in my Grandmother’s Bedroom while she told me not to waste my time packing in there, she didn’t want it. We went back and forth, she refused to take any of it. I finally agreed she was right, told her we wouldn’t take it. She walked from the room very upset. The moment she did I emptied every piece of jewelry, which is really the only hobby she has, into several bags. I then handed those bags to one of my closest friends and asked her to take them to her truck, discreetly. I then quickly found all of the personal things I knew she would miss; her mother’s address book, gifts from her father from her childhood, her mother’s personal items, things my late Grandfather had given her, her scarves she loved so much, notes from her children when they were young, letters she treasured, and packed them up without her noticing. We left the house that day with a fraction of what my Grandmother owned.

And then I waited.

Today, Grandma came to me very sadly and said, “I left all my memories in that house.” She named several things she had refused to take – things I had my friend help me sneak out of the house.

“Nope, I am the keeper of your memories.” and I walked from the room. I heard her laugh.

I returned with all items I had taken behind her back:

“I don’t listen very well.” (I don’t, never have) and I laid all of her stuff on her bed. I watched as she went through it all in shock.

“I have a little bit of everything back, Thank you.” She said after putting it all away in her room.

I swear I smiled for hours.

She’s not going to remember what I did for her, but she will have her things that remind her of happy times in her life.

When things get hard, look for the spots of happiness. 

OXOXOX

Catriona

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The Brighter the Light – the Darker the Shadow.

You know life is hard when your French press breaks. Haha. Damn it all. Seriously? NOW?! What the hell? Hahaha. This one didn’t even go like the last one; this one was killed, by mistake, not by me. Sigh. Lol.

I’m going to stand on a corner with a sign that says “Need money for French Press.” See where that gets me?

LMAO

Not much going on. I’m doing Yoga again, meditation. Neither of which I am enjoying. Lol.  Doctor’s orders.

Can’t do much in this town without everyone noticing. I’m the only one with colored hair. Facial piercings seem to be unheard of here. I stick out like a sore thumb. What’s new? However this is to a degree I haven’t experienced in years.  I’m a complete oddity here with my proper Grandmother, and seemingly normal son in tow.  Lol.

I’m back to blasting my Ipod in my ears 24/7…just in one ear, so I can still hear the house and Gram.

It’s sooooo HOT HERE. AHHHHH. I mean, I am used to Florida Hot, but this is ridiculous. It’s even hot right now, and it’s 2:19am!

I am trying to write every day. It sucks lol. I am trying to go back to some of my previous projects, I just don’t have time. I feel like I am trying to grasp at something to make me feel normal.

Spent most of the day at the Hospital with Gram, she had tested all today, and all next week. All of which I have to attend. I swear my life was meant to be accompanying someone, or actually being in, a hospital. LMAO.

Thought about my friend that died recently. I guess I can’t help it, that damn painting is stilling on my desk. Ha. Sigh. I guess I should have known, he called me shortly before he died, and gave it to me. Bastard knew he was leaving, and never said a word. I didn’t pay enough attention. He was in another state, I was trying hard to keep my head above water..I wish I had been in a better place, for him.

One of my Orchids is looking like it’s going to bloom. Odd considering it’s been pretty rough looking since last May.  I’m fucking rambling now. I thinking I am trying to kill time before I have to do that fucking Guided Meditation Crap. Haha.

I used to love to Meditate. Now, I do it two times a day, and it pisses me off. Thinking it’s having the opposite effect desired by my Doctor. Hahaha. Who the fuck wants to get up earlier to make sure they fucking meditate? Not me. Lol.

I guess I should try to sleep, I have to be up at 8am for appointments, and such. All without a French press. Kill me now? Please? LOL

OXOXOX

Catriona

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Thankful Wrecking Ball

I have so many things I have to be thankful for – That’s what I woke up thinking this morning.

I was lucky enough to find a place, albeit very small, that we can use while I gather the money to get a three bedroom, now that I am also responsible for my Grandmother, not just my son. I am thankful my son is so intelligent, I am thankful he has grown into someone who can see for himself, and form his own opinion. I am thankful for my dog, who has become my son’s best friend, and blanket thief. I am thankful that my Grandmother’s Stroke happen when several of us were there. I am thankful my son was smart enough to call 911 even when his “Grandfather” was yelling at him not to. I am thankful for the job I have, though it makes me want to punch people. I am thankful for those of whom have shown there true colors, and stood by my side. I am thankful for my Ex Wife (hold on to your pants here, lol) for opening my eyes to a variety of things, good and bad. I am thankful for the friends I have made through this blog. You guys, a whole lot of you have shown me so much kindness. You friendship has seriously helped me when I was, and am, at my lowest.

Then, this afternoon came swinging in like a hammer. I can’t go into much because of my Grandmother’s husband, and the divorce, but you guys already know that she had a stroke. You know that I was in a bad place financially beforehand. Well after the stroke Gram told me some alarming things, and I SAW some alarming things. Things that no person should go through, and she decided she needed to leave her husband. I had a week to liquidate my belongings so that I could take my Gram far away, at her request. I ended up selling, and giving away all of my furniture, and what’s left of my jewelry to be able to move her a great distance to safety.  I accomplished that. I have nothing left to my name, and I am ok with that. This afternoon I took my Gram to the Neurologist. I watched in horror as they performed the same tests on her they did my wife, and I watched in horror as I realized the diagnoses they are driving at. They didn’t tell her yet. There are more tests to do, and then they will tell her. The Neurologist sort of alluded to it, but my Gram didn’t catch it. I am beside myself.

This woman just got away from an abusive husband only to have THIS happen.

All those days/ weeks/ years in Neurology centers, Hospitals, and research with my Wife made it possible for to see exactly what I am looking at. And, it’s horrifying. I have been crying for hours.

It makes my living situation even more dire. I needed first, last, and security before for just my son and I. Now, I need it for my son, myself, and my Grandmother. First, last, and security is insane for a three bedroom. I was taking on a second job, but that may not be an option after the results of Grams appointment today.

I said I would always take care of her, no matter what. AND I WILL. Somehow.

Also my flippin’ dog, that was supposed to be fixed WENT INTO HEAT. COME ON. SERIOUSLY?

LMAO.

I hope you all are well. Now that I have internet access, I will be back more often.

Hugs to all of you, even that one weird guy.

Catriona

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