Monthly Archives: October 2016

I am going to get arrested. 

I have lovingly named my tool of a next door neighbor “Sir Washed up Douch Bag”.  

Why?  Because Sir Douch is a retired cop in his 50’s who’s got an authority stick shoved so far up his ass that he cannot see past his Holier Than thou infested head.  As a result,  he thought it appropriate to scream and yell threats as well as vulgarities at my son. My son had done nothing  wrong.  Yeahhhh… I’m sure you can guess how that ended: I bolted from the screen porch I was watching from and was in front of Sir Douch within seconds; shut him down just as fast. His final threat being he was going to call the cops on me. I rebutted that I was already on the phone with the police (partially true). That left him staring at me for a second and then retreating.  

About 5 mins later I hear my door,  and guess who it is?  Sir Douch and Mrs. Douch.  He wanted to speak to my son. He was told to stay the hell away from my son.  He wanted me to know that he could still call the police.  I smiled real big,  leaned against the door,  and attempted to hand him my phone:”I think you should,  here you go.” Apparently my evil laughter upset his plans of scaring me,  and he and Mrs. Douch stormed off my porch.  

Now,  when he walks by he won’t even look at me because he tried the whole “intimate the woman with a mean stare” thing… aaaand found out I’m better at it.  That doesn’t keep him from glaring/staring at anyone on my porch. 

If he attempts at talking to my son again, I will surely be arrested. 

Don’t be a Washed Up Douch Bag, Internet. It gets you no where. 

Alright,  time for a dump.  Let’s see what we have.  Ready? 

This one I swear must be true:

Can I just say this one looks like a good time? 

Saw this tonight at Walmart. More disturbing than Walmart itself.  What in Hezmana is that?! 

Also found at Walmart today.  Seriously?? 

Since I brought them home they haven’t gotten along… At all… So,  when I walked into my room to see this… Shear terror. They must be plotting against us… I’m scared.  

I make the best Squash Lasagna! 

I’d apologize for this next one,  but it was one of you fools who sent this to me.  Hahaha ha! 

Seriously,  can someone tell me what in three Hells is going on here?!?!?! 

I will not apologize:


Oh dear,  the crap you can find in my phone… Let’s go for one more:

Annnnnd I’m done.  Hahah.  

Until next time.  Love you all! 



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Three Hells, It’s 4 am. Again.

You guys know I don’t sleep, right? Hahah.  I have no idea what to do with myself for the next hour so, I thought I would stop in and say helllloooooooo.

My hands are CRAZY itchy from handling a PANTLOAD of 80 year old photographs. Some of them I suspect, but have yet to confirm, are over 100 years old. Really, I should have been wearing gloves. I know, thank you for yelling at me through your screen. I heard you. But, seriously. Itchy. UGHHHHHHHH. You never know the things you are going to find when you are me. hahahah.

My son’s bookshelf couldn’t take the weight of the world (all of his books. Well not all. There are books everywhere) and collapsed. It’s death was not something we saw coming. So we are now walking around mountains of books, in several different rooms. Seriously. It’s a little ridiculous. What is also ridiculous is the rate in which my child devours books. And then wants to keep them… to read them again, and again. And by “ridiculous” I mean “just like his mother”. Damn genetics.

I really need to clean out my phone. The contents of my phone are like what you would imagine a toddler and a mad scientist sharing a desk and chair would be like. Yeah. That.

Lets see what’s in there. Shall we?

I’m just going to randomly grab some stuff and see what we get. Good thing I have no nudes. Of myself.


Ha. Okay. I don’t even know where that one came from.



Oh, that’s the sun set. Beautiful, no?




Oh bloody hell. That’s awful. That was the LAST time I was sick. I was just about fully improved, but as you can see, I look like complete HELL from three weeks of some Being hovering over me in a black hood.





Yeah. I don’t know. I also have no excuse.





Truth. Always.






And. Now, you know.





Yeah. Who the hell knows.




Alright, lets go with one more…..




Oh. That’s a keeper. Don’t instruct your phone to take multiple photos of you while you are making a crazy face, or you end up looking like one of those chicks making the Duck Face. I fucking hate Duck Face. I love that it rhymes with “Fuck Face”. Any way, I was making a crazy face because my frelling shoulder was falling asleep and the damn cat wouldn’t move without threat of claws in the eyeball. Good thing you guys already know I am completely out of my mind. ha.

I think that’s good for now. hahaha

Love you all





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