I think it’s time for a dump.

A photo dump,  that is.. Hahaha
Let’s see what weird crap is on my phone. ..

Someone sent this to me and I think I laughed for an hour.

I donno who Jose is,  but I must have liked his post.  Lmao

Hahaha hah FYI!

Oh,  I made this.  Hahah.  That’s my favorite of all my antique frames.

The water and sunsets on this side,  are so,  so beautiful!

Yep,  that lives in my phone.

Yeah,  I went there.  This also lives in my phone.  And I laugh every time I see it.

💚💚💚💚💚

For the record here: I DID NOT intent to post this.  I knew it was in my phone,  but didn’t even see it when I went looking… Then my screen went black and it had populated here……   … Let’s just move along..

Hahaha THIS.

Annnnnnd there you have it.

I hope you all are well.  I miss you all.  I have not forgotten about you. I hope to have the time to post more and read more.  Some of the people I have met here have truly made a difference in my life,  and I am so grateful for all of you. Except you.  And Maybe you.  You know who you are.

So… Tell me how you all are!!!

Xoxoox
Catriona

You better watch it, or she’ll deck you.

(For the record, I haven’t actually decked anyone in a long time. I think.)

 

Do you remember the Humpy-the-Post-office-Guy? (if not, click here)  Wellllll……I went into the post office the other day. (HAHHAH.) It’s too bad there was only a few people in there. So I get up to the counter, and the Teller points at me and says something to the other tellers that I didn’t catch.  (I by the way, had forgotten about Humpy, momentarily) All the tellers get this HUGE smile on their faces and BURST into laughter. One of them yells “You better not stand too close, or she’ll deck you.” This went right over my head:

Me -Huh?

Teller – You don’t remember that?

Me –Threatening to deck someone? No. 

Teller – That guy the other day. 

Me –OH. That guy. Yeah. He was humping my leg. 

 

By this time one of the Tellers disappeared and reappeared with the Post Master who was laughing so hard I thought he was going to split.his.pants. 

 

PM –You know you were the talk of the whole office. 

Me –Oh?

PM -Yeah! But, really that guy is hard of hearing.

Me –Um, ok, but he was standing so close to me I could feel his gender. 

PM & Tellers – OHHHHHHHH we didn’t know that. 

Me –Uh, yeah, and I had moved away several times, even offered for him to cut me in line, yet he continued. 

PM – OH we had no idea. 

Me –  Yeah, and I am pretty sure him leaning in to whisper in my ear, so close that he is touching me, has nothing to do with his deafness. 

PM & Tellers – OH! (weird silence)

Me – Yeah. Anyway, I’ll see you guys soon, and we will see who else I can yell at!

The entire post office erupts in laughter. 

 

BTW – a woman in line butted in to say how she would have kicked his ass. UM, NO. We don’t beat on the elderly. We reprimand them. Stupid chick.

Hell, when I’m that old, I will be copping a feel. I just hope I will still have the ability to acknowledge a hint at that age.

 

Photo dump time!

Theses are from the other day. I went for a really long walk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have I mentioned I like abandoned buildings ?

 

 

 

 

 

Catriona

Who do I have to sleep with…. (NSFW).. and um, Clown. I think.

to get some damn Horseradish Cheese?! Seriously.

I am serious, who?

I have no idea what I’m going to write about, and yet I can already tell I am going to need to add a NSFW disclaimer. Although.. I am SURE if you have been paying any amount of attention – that probably should go without saying. Haha. But, just in case we have any newbies ..let me just slap that up there..alright annnnnd we are good.

It seems I’ve been coming to write here less and less. I should knock that off.  So MANY things have happen in the last 6 months. Terribly bad things, and some incredibly enjoyable (and then some). So I think we should play “Catriona Catch up”, which for the record, is waaaaay different than “Catriona Ketchup”. That’s just a friendly FYI if you didn’t already know.

Alright, on with the Recap of how fucked Catriona’s life is! Hahahah.  It’s not going to be very detailed, for the most part. I just feel we should all be on the same page here. lol.

So if you have been following me, and there are a lot of you that do (I see you), you know the month of February was life altering annnnnnnd I lost my face. And my head, and some other things I really need. My son’s other parent went into the ICU at the same time as one of my closest friends. Both were close to death.  (Oh and my sister committed the ultimate betrayal.)

Then the months kind of blend together. Hell lived in my house, and my heart.

My friend went from losing a leg, to having two heart attacks, and several other potentially life ending situations, to a nursing home. It continues to be a “Fresh Hell” rollercoaster every day for him (and those who love him).

In April, April? Yeah April, no. Maybe May? I have no idea. Anyway, one of those months brought my mother the gift of Cancer, again.  I was still on my face from February.   

I dropped some weight. Lost my boobs. If anyone locates them, please return to the address labeled.

Also in June -I traveled to see my mother. She is dying. We’ve become closer than ever. She’s a mess, but we are dealing with it.

What else, what else…oh yeah…

OH, I threw my son a Minion party. It was a blast.

I wrapped water bottles in duct tape and made, sigh, twinkie (gack) minions. hahha. It was held outdoors. You know you did something right when every child goes home covered in mud from head to toe. lmao. My son love it.

hmmm what else happened in the last few months…

I learned the truth about bananas:

I think that’s all I got.

I think you are all caught up.. WAIT NO. THIS HAPPENED TO ME:

I, um. I love clowns I do. BUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!

FUCK. Now I have to go put up a Clown warning. .

Alright, I think we are done with the recap. HAHAHAH!

Also, I’m just going to leave this here: 

Hope you all are well, LMAO.

Catriona

Free Porn is having a hard time loading my page.

Um. What the hell did I just write?

 

Free Porn is having a hard time loading my page.

I’m sorry Free Porn. I’m not sure why you, of all people, are having an issue loading my page. I hope you really did check back later. I also hope you aren’t having any more loading issues.

We’re still pals tho, right?

.

.

HELLO PEOPLE! How are all you loopy fuckers?!

It’s been crazy at my house. Been workin’ an junk. That and, you know, screwing off. Hhahah. Nothing really exciting, just working a lot and screwing off. Shit. I think I just said that… Maybe no one will notice? Ahahaha! I’m suffering a bit from sleep deprivation. It’s alright tho cuzz sleep deprivation can be hilarious. Completely amusing at times. Well, maybe it’s only amusing because I’m sleep deprived? Sleep deprivation can be useful.  Shit. How many times have I said ‘sleep deprivation’……?….I’m sure no one will notice. There is one thing for sure – there isn’t anything more funny at 2:30 in the morning.. than Pussycorns. Ohhh yeah, you read that correctly. Be glad I don’t have your phone numbers people, because when I get crazy tired – I do things like harass my friends with horrid FB stickers. .

The blue is me…..

Yeah, people. Be glad your aren’t on my contact list. That was the night I realized FB had horrible stickers. This is only part of the convo…I think I went on and on….hahaha. I was so tried and so amused with my friend’s responses that I think I might have pulled something laughing.

Seriously. Pulled. Something. Laughing.

Friggen Pussycorns.

Gosh, I have such ridiculous crap in my phone. I just went looking for something and ..instead found…

 THIS.

WHAT. THE. HELL?

and REALLY – I have no idea why this is in my phone…..Sleep deprivations, I tell ya…..

Horrifying.

.

.

Now, this one I do remember.

You’re welcome.

Hahahahah! Did you miss me? LMAO. You know you did.

I need to go lay down, and try to refrain from spamming my friends with terrifying FB stickers. .

Catriona

I like it. But I may not actually LIKE it.

I donno if you guys noticed but I get around. Like big time. OH MY STARS get your head out of the gutter!

I meant on the internet. Crap. That doesn’t sound much better does it? Sighhh.

I “Like” alot of blog posts. I do. I spend some (a lot?) of my spare time reading blogs. I like to see what oozes out of people’s brains. However, When I “like” something it doesn’t necessarily mean I like the content on the page. It’s more of a “I was here, yo” not a “OMG I SO AGREE WITH ALL THE IGNORANT STUFF YOU JUST POSTED.” I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain this buuuutttt I got some pretty FUCKIN’ crazy E-mails last week. I love crazy E-mails, hate mail especially….but some of the E-mails I have been getting in regards to my liking blog posts were a little whacked out.

Just because I liked your post about joining a cult doesn’t mean I want to (or that I want to get matching T-shirts for the occasion, for that matter), ok? It just means I read your blog and support your right to be completely outa your flippin’ mind.

So, yeah. Settle down my weirdos. It’s all going to be ok.

I’m going to go get drunk on Oreos and Oj now.

Catriona

Oh, and for the question about how to pronounce my name: Cat-tree-own-uh.

What day is it? Warning: May contain traces of clown.

Whoooooa it’s Monday. Gack.

Just stop it Monday, just. STOP.IT.

Have you guys checked out the new footage of the Northampton Clown? It’s creepy as hell, even for me. I love it. Hahah I wanna hug that clown. Here clownyyyyyy Clownyyy clooownnnnyyy…..

Spent the Morning stalking some of my favorite people. Gosh you people lift my spirits. If you’ve liked my FB page…you will notice it’s gone. I’ve killed it off. Instead, if you wish, you can add me. It’s just so much  easier for everyone involved (read: I’m lazy and sorta wanna stalk you).

Just so we are all on the same page: I’m eating rye toast and thoroughly enjoying it. Naked. Ok not naked. But, still, YUM. Support Group Needed?

Alright I’ll post more later. I need to go play in my garden (no, that’s not code, perverts).

Catriona

 

It’s not what you think it’s about

Alllllllllllllright my minions, I won t be spewing about clowns today.

Instead, you get this.

Why? Because I said so. That’s why. You take it, and you like it.

Catriona

 

You guys are WEIRD. (Warning: content was made in a facility that uses clowns)

You all will like a post about me molesting a (plastic) owl’s butt for the pleasure of my lips (gloss), but if I even mention CLOWNS –  only a few of you like it. Hahahhaha I know you guys saw it. I’m a stalker like that. HAHHAHHAHAHA. No seriously. But, it’s OK. I understand. lmao.

If you have used your eye holes, you will see I’ve attached a warning to my title. This is not only because it amuses me – but because a follower of mine expressed a true phobia of clowns. I ❤ my followers. (You may also want to stay away from my twitter for a few more days if you don’t do clowns well…..)

The Northampton clown has promised something big for the end of the week people! I can’t wait!

Ok Ok oOOOooooooK..so enough about clowns.

Oh damn, I hear work calling my name. . . .

Catriona

 

 

 

 

I heart me some clowns. HARD.

Don’t judge me. Jerks.

I’ve always loved clowns. And masks for that matter; but that’s a whole separate subject (obsession?). When I was a child my room was filled with clowns of all types. From creepy to adorable, I had a room full of terror for those with a phobia – which I never understood (tho I really don’t understand phobias like should anyway, I suspect. I have none and don’t get it). I remember some of my friends screamed and ran from my room upon first visit. So worth it. hah. Ahhhhhhh Childhood.

Annnny way, if you follow my twitter of facebook you’d know I’m so completely enthralled by the UK clown. The Northampton clown has so many people’s nickers in a bunch that I almost can’t take it. Flippin’ hilarious. Oh and NOW there’s a “Clown catcher” dressed as a super hero. He goes out at night in hopes of catching the clown. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!! Some times the universe comes thru for me entertainment wise; I could just hug it for this tremendous gift. ahahahahaha.

Twitter is blowing up with reactions – both good and bad. I’ve been so busy watching the action I haven’t done a damn thing that could be considered productive. Look it up on twitter, I dare you: #Northhamptonclown. You will be amused. Or scared to death. One of those.

Sorry for the poorly written post -I’ve gotta get back to the clown watch. stat.

Catriona

Reader Appreciation Award

I was nominated for this award back in November of 2012 by a MightyTurk. I was over the moon and speechless to have received the award. At the time my life was overrun with Monkeys and Drama and AHHHHHHH! AHhahhaahha! I just now just sorta wondered back here so I want to accept and share!

 

 

I suggest you guys head over to MightyTurk‘s blog. His posts are always engaging, I friggen love the photos he posts. I’m definitely  jealous of this guy’s travels, jerk. HAHAHAH. Thanks for the nomination MightyTurk! You rock my (penis) socks!

The rules of this nomination:

1. Identify and show appreciation of the blogger who awarded you.
2. You must add the award logo to your blog.
3. Tell your readers 7 things about yourself.
4. You must nominate 5-10 of your favorite bloggers for this award.
5. Inform your nominees that you nominated them.

Seven things about myself, yikes. No one wants any of that! HAHHA. Fine:

1. I need to brush my hair, like, right now. Damn.

2. My issue with Coffee is way, way more complicated than any of you realize. We are in love, Coffee and I. We don’t care what you think.

3. I like the words “Bitchtits” & “Jackhole” entirely too much for it to be considered any kind of healthy.

4. I have questionable taste in Friends, apparently.

5. If I could do the horizontal polka with one appliance, it would be my French Press.

6. There may have been a change in my marital status in the last few months…

7. I’m craving jalapeno poppers.

.

.

 

Nominate 5-10 Bloggers:

1. Keli Paan

2. Ajaytao

3. The Panama Adventure

4. Animalcouriers

5. MovieJoltz

6. MissyTwisted

7. Nicholiovich

8. beyondpaisley

9. Jess

10. Robert “Goat” Beveridge

 

Alright weirdos, I’m off to find some Jalapeno poppers. ❤

 

Catriona