Tag Archives: humor

That is not the type of thing that shows up in an Autopsy.

Hi. OH. Are you wondering what I meant by my title? Yeah, me too. LOL. My brain has the tenancy to just populate random sentences. Half the time it even surprises me.

life is funny, you know? In the blink of an eye everything changes. I swear I blinked and my smiley, giggly toddler grew up to be a smiley teenager. TEENAGER. I own one of those? CRAP. I own one of those. I should be terrified. I should be, but I’m not. Denial? Maybe. Maybe I have faith that him and I can work through anything. Yeah. That is what it is.

I’ve been walking a lot. I know, you are all Surprised. 

Walking around here is always fascinating. You go from Cow Town, knee deep in grass, horses giving you the hairy eye-ball..from all directions..to suddenly… a huge town as far as the eye can see. I love how quite it is here.

Night time is one of my favorite times to walk.

There is only one street light for a while.


The sky is my favorite possession. Even when it’s grey, or completely dark, it’s beauty shines through.


HOLY CRAP – My Facebook just alerted me to THIS:


If that is not just as terrifying as thereal Trump…….

OK internet. I am DONE for the day. Damn.


Take care guys!



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Guacamole Cops

So, I’m in the car, right, and I’m talking and blah blah blah, and alllll of a sudden I have the urge to look down. So, I do (duh). What do I see? A weird ass grease spot looking at me. 

The HellllllLLLL is THAT? I wasn’t eating, we had been in the car for about an hour. No drinks, nothing leaked. Nothing.  Where the hell this thing came from, I have no idea. 

So I named it “Amy”. 

Amy didn’t appreciate how long we were in the car. She didn’t like the lack of coffee that was going on. She had a real issue with little guys in big trucks with ball sacks hanging off the back. She had a lotttttt to say about those… She was super mouthy. Like,  for real. She was a real thorn in the driver’s side. She had this accent that no one could figure out, and she swore like a trucker. 

It got to the point that I had to ask her to leave. She refused. I threatened. I tried to physically remove Amy, but my attempts were thwarted. 

Finally, I stuck an oversided Bambi sticker over her face (regrettablely, I didn’t get a photo) and we went about our day. Worked like a charm! Remind me to get more of those. 

I’d forgotten all about her until later when I went to do the laundry. There she was, glaring at me, the Bitch. So I shoved her ass into the washer (not before assaulting her with some heavy duty Amy Remover), annnnd I haven’t heard from her since. Now granted, I’ve been too lazy to go back into the laundry room… Bitch better be gone by the time I walk back in there! 

In an unrelated note: guacamole chips (auto correct wanted me to say “Guacamole Cops“, the helllll is THAT?), are addicting and I’m currently looking for a support group. Anyone have any suggestions? 



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Dumping Wednesday 

Ever feel like your phone is too HEAVY? Like you just need to flip it over and see what dumps out onto the floor? Yeah. Me too. 

Let’s see what would fall out of my phone if that was possible:

Oh! I just made this for dinner. This is a crunchy wrap. Filled with Avocado, rice, tomatoes, spinach, salsa, cheese, sautéed peppers and onions and whatever other leftovers I could find. So good. 

Ooooo! This one is a cute little Mom and Pop shop I found the other day. I love those! 

This is what it looked like yesterday when we went for a walk. Doooom! 

I’m “Medieval as fuck”, FYI. 

Yeah, I have a prescription… 

Ooo found this at the store the other day!! 


My app is mean to me:

LOL. I have some ridiculous stuff in my phone. It’s a good thing when I drop it, it isn’t actually capable of allowing all my weirdness fall out! 


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I’ve got the worst headache,  EVER.

I’ve named him Fernando.

Fernando popped up around the time I started to deal with the lawyers,  and such.

It’s gotten to the point that I’m talking to him. Don’t worry,  I’m not hearing any answer, yet.

I’m  still awake because Fernando won’t shut up.

Let’s look through my phone and see if there’s anything that will take my mind of the horrid pain in my head, shall we?




This is actually true. Hahah


This one is also true.  Hahha.


This just makes me laugh.


That’s all for now.  Lol.
Fernando it picking at my eye.  So.  Ouch.  Sleep… Come. To.  Me.


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2pm madness

I’m watching Farscape  (if you don’t know what that is,  we can’t be friends any more), I can’t sleep (surprise!).

Thought I wouldn’t….. Damn,  I just lost track of my frame of thought. 

Oh! I remember now,  I thought I would stop and say hello.

Maybe take a dump. The photo kind.  Let’s see what weird stuff I have going on in my phone,  shall we?




Took this last week.


Did you know?


Annnnd this







Hahaha! OK. I’m done.. And tired.


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This just happened to me

1526390_1178223882201757_2564496674198153068_nIt did. It just fuckin’ happened to me. I made that face, too.

Also. This didn’t happen to me, but it made me laugh. hahah


That’s all. Carry on.



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I’m so Sexy !

Like, you have no idea!


Teejay Cupcake

I AM HOT!!!!! I can’t even take it.

@JustTeeJay drew this portrait of me a while ago, and since my brain is scattered I had not updated. But HERE I AM. Don’t I look better as I age?!

If you haven’t already seen her work, take a gander. It will BLOW YOU AWAY.


To visit her page!

Seriously, you wont be sorry.

I have to go stare at myself now. I’m just too sexy for my own good.



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I think it’s time for a dump.

A photo dump,  that is.. Hahaha
Let’s see what weird crap is on my phone. ..


Someone sent this to me and I think I laughed for an hour.


I donno who Jose is,  but I must have liked his post.  Lmao


Hahaha hah FYI!


Oh,  I made this.  Hahah.  That’s my favorite of all my antique frames.



The water and sunsets on this side,  are so,  so beautiful!


Yep,  that lives in my phone.


Yeah,  I went there.  This also lives in my phone.  And I laugh every time I see it.




For the record here: I DID NOT intent to post this.  I knew it was in my phone,  but didn’t even see it when I went looking… Then my screen went black and it had populated here……   … Let’s just move along..


Hahaha THIS.


Annnnnnd there you have it.

I hope you all are well.  I miss you all.  I have not forgotten about you. I hope to have the time to post more and read more.  Some of the people I have met here have truly made a difference in my life,  and I am so grateful for all of you. Except you.  And Maybe you.  You know who you are.

So… Tell me how you all are!!!


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No one’s got time for that, Batman.

My kid, I tell ya.

So today I was sitting on the couch messing with my phone as my son played Mincraft.

annnnnd then Pandora does what it loves to do: scare the crap outa me by starting up by itself.

annnnd the song was GREAT. And by GREAT I mean it was horrid, but my son’s reaction was fantastic.

*spins around to glare in my direction* “What the?! Is that Batman? WHAT is that? That’s terrible. No one’s got time for that, Batman.” – Son

So naturally, I downloaded it, and set it as my texting ring tone. And since I have been talking to my brother all day, every day (a boring story), it didn’t take long for it to play.

“WHAT. WHY?” -Kid

*laughing so hard I fall over on the couch* “What?” – Me


“What, you don’t like that song?” -Me

“No, I certainly do not.” – Kid

“But you like Batman.” – Me


I giggle, and he goes back to playing. I mute the sound so he doesn’t hear it go off.

About 30 mins later, I turn the sound back on:

“Seriously? you chose THAT as your ring tone? Dirty Batman.” – Kid

“OK, time to go shopping.” – Me

So, we get into the grocery store and it goes off:

“REALLY? You are ok with people hearing that???” – Kid

“Sure, why not?” – Me

*Whips out his phone* “I am going to spam you so everyone can hear it” *evil grin* – Kid

*Pulls phone out of pocket and holds it up so everyone can hear* “OK” – Me

“Oh my God, you don’t care.” -Kid

“Nope” – Me

“Why don’t you care? It’s HORRIBLE. And it’s Batman.” – Kid

“It’s not Batman, it’s Manson.” -Me

“It’s Crazy. And it’s Batman.” – Kid

“It’s Manson.” – Me

“Why’s he calling himself ‘Daddy’? – Kid

“Does Batman Call himself Daddy?” – Me

“No.” -Kid

“Because it’s Marilyn Manson.” – Me

“No.” – Kid

I laugh harder than one should in an store, and shut it off. The subject then went to what kind of tomatoes were are going to get.

When we get home I put everything away, and turn the the notifications on my phone back on. I walk up the stairs and am just about in my room when it goes off. This is what I hear from down stairs:

“NOOOOOOooooo Marilyn Batman!”


It really is a horrid song. It’s Marilyn Manson and …..Wait for it…..Avril Lavigne. Yeah. What? 

The beginning is Manson’s growly voice saying “Lay your head in daddy’s lap, you’re a bad girl.”

If you want to hear a horrid song click HERE.

And for those who are going to listen and then scream that I let my son listen to THAT. He’s only heard the beginning. Also, he plays XBOX. He’s already heard everything under the Sun. 



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Accidental Art installation By Gram

Today Sucked.

However when I came home from picking up my child I opened the door to the smell of burning plastic.

Which, really, can only mean two things: 1. Grams gotten into the Crack again, or 2. Gram forgot about the bread in the oven and turned it on, again.


To my surprise is wasn’t Crack (OK, kidding. My Gram wouldn’t even know what that was).

Fresh Baked Bread, anyone?





Goodnight friends



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