Tag Archives: blogging

That is not the type of thing that shows up in an Autopsy.

Hi. OH. Are you wondering what I meant by my title? Yeah, me too. LOL. My brain has the tenancy to just populate random sentences. Half the time it even surprises me.

life is funny, you know? In the blink of an eye everything changes. I swear I blinked and my smiley, giggly toddler grew up to be a smiley teenager. TEENAGER. I own one of those? CRAP. I own one of those. I should be terrified. I should be, but I’m not. Denial? Maybe. Maybe I have faith that him and I can work through anything. Yeah. That is what it is.

I’ve been walking a lot. I know, you are all Surprised. 

Walking around here is always fascinating. You go from Cow Town, knee deep in grass, horses giving you the hairy eye-ball..from all directions..to suddenly… a huge town as far as the eye can see. I love how quite it is here.

Night time is one of my favorite times to walk.

There is only one street light for a while.


The sky is my favorite possession. Even when it’s grey, or completely dark, it’s beauty shines through.


HOLY CRAP – My Facebook just alerted me to THIS:


If that is not just as terrifying as thereal Trump…….

OK internet. I am DONE for the day. Damn.


Take care guys!



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Dumping Wednesday 

Ever feel like your phone is too HEAVY? Like you just need to flip it over and see what dumps out onto the floor? Yeah. Me too. 

Let’s see what would fall out of my phone if that was possible:

Oh! I just made this for dinner. This is a crunchy wrap. Filled with Avocado, rice, tomatoes, spinach, salsa, cheese, sautéed peppers and onions and whatever other leftovers I could find. So good. 

Ooooo! This one is a cute little Mom and Pop shop I found the other day. I love those! 

This is what it looked like yesterday when we went for a walk. Doooom! 

I’m “Medieval as fuck”, FYI. 

Yeah, I have a prescription… 

Ooo found this at the store the other day!! 


My app is mean to me:

LOL. I have some ridiculous stuff in my phone. It’s a good thing when I drop it, it isn’t actually capable of allowing all my weirdness fall out! 


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Hold on to your trousers; I’m BACK!

After almost a year long hiatus, I’m BACK!



You guys don’t know how much I have missed you. Without you I have had no place for my useless rambling to go! HA. Except at those in my direct vicinity. Heh. You’errrrrr Welcome, guys….

While I have stumbled back in the door here like some drunkin’ Salor,  HhhheeeeyyyyyYYYYYYY, I’ve also revived my twitter. So, STALK ME. 


Just a quick update – Don’t worry. I will be Bach.



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This just happened to me

1526390_1178223882201757_2564496674198153068_nIt did. It just fuckin’ happened to me. I made that face, too.

Also. This didn’t happen to me, but it made me laugh. hahah


That’s all. Carry on.



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I’m so Sexy !

Like, you have no idea!


Teejay Cupcake

I AM HOT!!!!! I can’t even take it.

@JustTeeJay drew this portrait of me a while ago, and since my brain is scattered I had not updated. But HERE I AM. Don’t I look better as I age?!

If you haven’t already seen her work, take a gander. It will BLOW YOU AWAY.


To visit her page!

Seriously, you wont be sorry.

I have to go stare at myself now. I’m just too sexy for my own good.



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I think it’s time for a dump.

A photo dump,  that is.. Hahaha
Let’s see what weird crap is on my phone. ..


Someone sent this to me and I think I laughed for an hour.


I donno who Jose is,  but I must have liked his post.  Lmao


Hahaha hah FYI!


Oh,  I made this.  Hahah.  That’s my favorite of all my antique frames.



The water and sunsets on this side,  are so,  so beautiful!


Yep,  that lives in my phone.


Yeah,  I went there.  This also lives in my phone.  And I laugh every time I see it.




For the record here: I DID NOT intent to post this.  I knew it was in my phone,  but didn’t even see it when I went looking… Then my screen went black and it had populated here……   … Let’s just move along..


Hahaha THIS.


Annnnnnd there you have it.

I hope you all are well.  I miss you all.  I have not forgotten about you. I hope to have the time to post more and read more.  Some of the people I have met here have truly made a difference in my life,  and I am so grateful for all of you. Except you.  And Maybe you.  You know who you are.

So… Tell me how you all are!!!


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I have no back burner

You know how you have subjects and thoughts that you just….throw on the back burner and touch on them ever so often? Well, I don’t have one. I have a thought hurricane. It’s a constant tornado of thoughts. (Not to be confused with a ‘Pornado’, that would be fun.) My brain just never stops.

In September I moved.

In October my Aunt started to get sick.

In November I  spent 3 weeks sitting beside my Gram’s best friend (Aunt) as she died of lung cancer. She was diagnosed, and within 3 weeks she was gone. Gram and I drove the 35 mins everyday to and from the Hospital to be with her.



I did a lot of sitting on the ledge praying, looking down from the seventh floor.


This was taken the day before she died. I was sitting next to her bed, I had been holding her up. She was so weak toward the end.

In December I met someone wonderful.

In January my heart was shredded by the loss of yet another family member from lung cancer, and the loss of my actual heart. Telling my son was just as painful as the three actual losses. I cannot express my life at the moment. 

I have not forgotten about cards, you guys. As you can see…uh, things are not settled. ha.

I just noticed the dirty sock on my desk. wtf?





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Understanding (underestimating?) PTSD

Feb will be two years that PTSD and I have been together.

And you know what? There are still days and months that are just like the first week of Hell that ensued after that day. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD “Comparable to soldiers coming home from Iraq”. That’s an actual sentence from my Medical record. Do you know how horrible just that sentence is? I didn’t fight in a war. Though, I now have one in my head. Almost two years, and EVERY DAY I still have issues. Every day. Every day, that one single day plays in my head, over and over, or it echos in my ears, or both. Everyday I fight my own head just to breath. Everyday I wake up, take a deep breath, and try to make it better than the last. You know what happens? I fail more than half the time, haha…And telling me I need to “be more positive” only shows that you’ve got no clue what PTSD is. Lmao.

PTSD is having the BEST convo with my son, after having had the best day together, then all of a sudden I’m crossing through a 4 Lane crosswalk, holding my son’s hand, when my PTSD decides for NO REASON at all, to take over both my vision and hearing.


It’s being curled up in the lap of a friend, for over an hour,  as he tries to hold you so close that you KNOW it’s hurting HIM, as you cry because you’re Ex wife text you something stupid, after an already trigger filled day.


You know what I’ve learned in the last year and half?
A.) Most people sincerely THINK they know what PTSD is.
B.) Most people are wrong.
C.) I’m not crazy. Sorta. Ha.
Annnnnnd worst of all D.) Most people, even if they care, don’t do much research. Why? See A.

This article is one of the best I’ve read, and I’ve read many. So, imma leave it right HERE.

Now excuse me while I go try pretend to sleep. Lmao.



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The Brighter the Light – the Darker the Shadow.

You know life is hard when your French press breaks. Haha. Damn it all. Seriously? NOW?! What the hell? Hahaha. This one didn’t even go like the last one; this one was killed, by mistake, not by me. Sigh. Lol.

I’m going to stand on a corner with a sign that says “Need money for French Press.” See where that gets me?


Not much going on. I’m doing Yoga again, meditation. Neither of which I am enjoying. Lol.  Doctor’s orders.

Can’t do much in this town without everyone noticing. I’m the only one with colored hair. Facial piercings seem to be unheard of here. I stick out like a sore thumb. What’s new? However this is to a degree I haven’t experienced in years.  I’m a complete oddity here with my proper Grandmother, and seemingly normal son in tow.  Lol.

I’m back to blasting my Ipod in my ears 24/7…just in one ear, so I can still hear the house and Gram.

It’s sooooo HOT HERE. AHHHHH. I mean, I am used to Florida Hot, but this is ridiculous. It’s even hot right now, and it’s 2:19am!

I am trying to write every day. It sucks lol. I am trying to go back to some of my previous projects, I just don’t have time. I feel like I am trying to grasp at something to make me feel normal.

Spent most of the day at the Hospital with Gram, she had tested all today, and all next week. All of which I have to attend. I swear my life was meant to be accompanying someone, or actually being in, a hospital. LMAO.

Thought about my friend that died recently. I guess I can’t help it, that damn painting is stilling on my desk. Ha. Sigh. I guess I should have known, he called me shortly before he died, and gave it to me. Bastard knew he was leaving, and never said a word. I didn’t pay enough attention. He was in another state, I was trying hard to keep my head above water..I wish I had been in a better place, for him.

One of my Orchids is looking like it’s going to bloom. Odd considering it’s been pretty rough looking since last May.  I’m fucking rambling now. I thinking I am trying to kill time before I have to do that fucking Guided Meditation Crap. Haha.

I used to love to Meditate. Now, I do it two times a day, and it pisses me off. Thinking it’s having the opposite effect desired by my Doctor. Hahaha. Who the fuck wants to get up earlier to make sure they fucking meditate? Not me. Lol.

I guess I should try to sleep, I have to be up at 8am for appointments, and such. All without a French press. Kill me now? Please? LOL



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Thankful Wrecking Ball

I have so many things I have to be thankful for – That’s what I woke up thinking this morning.

I was lucky enough to find a place, albeit very small, that we can use while I gather the money to get a three bedroom, now that I am also responsible for my Grandmother, not just my son. I am thankful my son is so intelligent, I am thankful he has grown into someone who can see for himself, and form his own opinion. I am thankful for my dog, who has become my son’s best friend, and blanket thief. I am thankful that my Grandmother’s Stroke happen when several of us were there. I am thankful my son was smart enough to call 911 even when his “Grandfather” was yelling at him not to. I am thankful for the job I have, though it makes me want to punch people. I am thankful for those of whom have shown there true colors, and stood by my side. I am thankful for my Ex Wife (hold on to your pants here, lol) for opening my eyes to a variety of things, good and bad. I am thankful for the friends I have made through this blog. You guys, a whole lot of you have shown me so much kindness. You friendship has seriously helped me when I was, and am, at my lowest.

Then, this afternoon came swinging in like a hammer. I can’t go into much because of my Grandmother’s husband, and the divorce, but you guys already know that she had a stroke. You know that I was in a bad place financially beforehand. Well after the stroke Gram told me some alarming things, and I SAW some alarming things. Things that no person should go through, and she decided she needed to leave her husband. I had a week to liquidate my belongings so that I could take my Gram far away, at her request. I ended up selling, and giving away all of my furniture, and what’s left of my jewelry to be able to move her a great distance to safety.  I accomplished that. I have nothing left to my name, and I am ok with that. This afternoon I took my Gram to the Neurologist. I watched in horror as they performed the same tests on her they did my wife, and I watched in horror as I realized the diagnoses they are driving at. They didn’t tell her yet. There are more tests to do, and then they will tell her. The Neurologist sort of alluded to it, but my Gram didn’t catch it. I am beside myself.

This woman just got away from an abusive husband only to have THIS happen.

All those days/ weeks/ years in Neurology centers, Hospitals, and research with my Wife made it possible for to see exactly what I am looking at. And, it’s horrifying. I have been crying for hours.

It makes my living situation even more dire. I needed first, last, and security before for just my son and I. Now, I need it for my son, myself, and my Grandmother. First, last, and security is insane for a three bedroom. I was taking on a second job, but that may not be an option after the results of Grams appointment today.

I said I would always take care of her, no matter what. AND I WILL. Somehow.

Also my flippin’ dog, that was supposed to be fixed WENT INTO HEAT. COME ON. SERIOUSLY?


I hope you all are well. Now that I have internet access, I will be back more often.

Hugs to all of you, even that one weird guy.


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