Category Archives: Emotions

Sike Bitches, Pansy never left

Anyone order a Breakthrough PTSD episode? Anyone? No? Must have been me.

It’s my own fault. I got cocky. I poked the bear too many times in too short of a time period. Coming back here. Reading old entries. Allowing my brain the open that file again. Looking at things I usually avoid.

Cleaning my room out, trying to get rid of things. Somehow my oldest computer is out and my kid is calling my name. I look up and “I found something”. The look on my kid’s face. Sigh.

It was in the disc drive of the computer I’ve avoided for years.

I’m a crying mess. I haven’t been like this in over two years. Turns out I’m not better, I’m just busy. Hahahah. Fuck. FUCK.

Now I’m sleeping (not sleeping at all) next to my laundry because cleaning came to a screeching hault.

Can we not? Can we not do this? Fuckkkkkkkk. It’s 3:56am and I have to be up at 9 for the kid’s ortho and then work. The sky was weird today; I knew I shouldn’t have pushed my luck.

Catriona

Xoxoxo

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My titles never match my content anyway

It’s crazy to think it’s only been the last two years that I can say my head and life are back in order. Looking back on some of my posts.. it’s crazy to see how long I’ve been gone (from here) and just how messy my brain was then.

I miss being here. I miss writing. I always mean to stop by even for a few mins. A few sentences. And with the exception of the last two years, I have drafts and drafts of entries I always meannnnn to publish. Lol.

I think I am going to try to set a goal to write more (in the open), because the last two years I’ve held down a business and a full time job. I’ve done nothing but those two things. I haven’t even been reading, no time. Just work and sleep.

Rushing in to catch up on all of you, I was shocked to see how many followers I’d lost. Like, really lost. Passed. I’m gutted I didn’t know. It makes sense, unfortunately, as you know: Covid. But that doesn’t make me feel any better about it.

I decided I needed to start reading again, no matter how busy I am. That’s how I ended up here. To catch up on all of you. There’s a lot of you, so it will take me a bit. I’m not as all over the place as I once was, you know, after (I forgot my own rules, do I tell you guys my spouse’s name? Lmao) died. So let’s hope I can keep my own attention long enough to get to all of you. Ahahah

Let’s do a photo dump for old times sake, see what’s in mah phone. Shall we?

Hahah. My phone is a weird place.

Hugs,

Catriona xoxox

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Bathroom Explosion

I wrote this in September 2017 right after we were rocked by a Hurricane. Something I’m sure I will share, eventually.
Don’t run away! It’s not that kind. Wrong end, really.
I took a walk the other night to get catfood after the storm. Wal-Mart is a scary place after a certain time. It’s also more quiet. Something I rather enjoy if I’ve got to brave Wal-Mart.
I grabbed the catfood and sorta just browsed. I came to the Bathroom linens and accessories. In my head I said “Oh, ok well while I’m here maybe I will look at what colors I’d like the new bathroom to be.” and then, it was all down hill from there.
“Oh, look at that color. That’s pretty. I really like that. Oh, but it reminds me of the time we (my wife and I) painted the master bathroom that color. Nope.”

I moved on.
“Oh, this is a nice red. I could get.. No, that reminds me of the master bathroom again.”

I moved on.
“OH black and white. That would be easy! I have all the… Annnnd that reminds me of when we had zebra print in the bathroom… And that one rouge zebra towel I could never get rid of.

I moved on.
“Fuck Purple.”

I moved on.
“Grey is pretty. Two shades of grey and maybe.. Nope. Fuck. That reminds me of my master bathroom. It was Dark grey, as were the towles at one point. Fuck.”

I moved on.
“Coral! That doesn’t remind me of anything!… Except. How ugly coral is. Damnit.”

I moved on.
“This is starting to get ridic….Orange! Orange. It’s not the most calming of colors… But I can deal with that. Throw some abstract Art up and… Crap. And it reminds me of the Cocopelli theme we once had in the master bathroom.”

I moved on.
“That’s ugly. Nope. Nope. Fuck pink. Nope. That’s ugly too. NOPE NOT THAT ONE EITHER. WHY DID WE CHANGE OUR BATHROOM THEME SO OFTEN?! WHO DOES THAT?! I’M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO DECORATE MY BATHROOM EVER AGIAIN!” annnnd I burst into tears. At Wal-Mart. At 12am. At 12am I became a Person of Wal-Mart. Fuuuuuuckkkkkk.
In my defense, I hadn’t slept in days due to the storm. I’d been up well over 48 hours and eaten very little (and, really now that I think of it… We did change the color and theme of the bathroom frequently.. Lmao)
So I’m leaning against the shelf, catfood in hand, in tears…. And suddenly the realization that I’m CRYING IN WAL-MART ABOUT MY BATHROOM DECOR hits me. I start to laugh out loud, hysterically. Like, crazy laugh. I know you know what I mean. Then I realize anyone watching just watched me go from crying to laughing like an idiot. I laugh even harder because I’m now a Person of Wal-Mart. Bahahahahahah.
I finally got my shit together and left the aisel… Not before looking over to see 3 young guys staring….. Yep, I’m the seemingly crazy Cat Lady at Wal-Mart. Yep, that’s now me. Great.
I continued to laugh like a hyena to the cash register. Fuck it.

I didn’t finish this… But, do I really need to?

Catriona

Oxoxoxo

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That is not the type of thing that shows up in an Autopsy.

Hi. OH. Are you wondering what I meant by my title? Yeah, me too. LOL. My brain has the tenancy to just populate random sentences. Half the time it even surprises me.

life is funny, you know? In the blink of an eye everything changes. I swear I blinked and my smiley, giggly toddler grew up to be a smiley teenager. TEENAGER. I own one of those? CRAP. I own one of those. I should be terrified. I should be, but I’m not. Denial? Maybe. Maybe I have faith that him and I can work through anything. Yeah. That is what it is.

I’ve been walking a lot. I know, you are all Surprised. 

Walking around here is always fascinating. You go from Cow Town, knee deep in grass, horses giving you the hairy eye-ball..from all directions..to suddenly… a huge town as far as the eye can see. I love how quite it is here.

Night time is one of my favorite times to walk.

There is only one street light for a while.

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The sky is my favorite possession. Even when it’s grey, or completely dark, it’s beauty shines through.

 

HOLY CRAP – My Facebook just alerted me to THIS:

Trump

If that is not just as terrifying as thereal Trump…….

OK internet. I am DONE for the day. Damn.

 

Take care guys!

Catriona

XOXOXOX

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Catriona in the cow field 

My better half had this weird thing with winning me cows from various fairs, machines, and weird game stands. I don’t even know how it started. Lol. We had two particular stuffed cows that were my favorite Henfers. (Better Half named all cows “Hefner”, it was hilarious). One was obnoxiously large and round. The other was so tiny, you couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness. Both Hefners lived on our bed for years. 

Unfortunately, I only have one Hefner left. The small one. It’s now locked in a box I had made for my son….I will go into that another time… 

Every cow I received had this goofy friggen look on its face. The kind you could be Earth-Shatteringly-Angry, and still couldn’t keep a straight face if you saw one of these things. So, as you can imagine I can’t see a cow, even a real cow, without laughing like an idiot. Every. Damn. Time. It’s made worse if the cow desides to throw a “Moo” at me. I can’t see a cow, or hear a cow, without smiling like an idiot. 

Annnnnddddd then there’s the part where I live close to cows pastures.  I can’t really go anywhere without seeing a cow. It’s a bit obnoxious, really. Even my son has started to notice. We’ve been taking long walks lately, and just sort of exploring. Recently he looked up and said “MOM! Hefner got huge!”.  I laughed, the cows started Mooing, we laughed more… I had to eventually pull us away. Which really proved hard, as their were cow fields on both sides of us for a good twenty minutes. Anyone passing us by would have thought we were nuts. 

It’s been over a year since she died. Yeah guys; I said she. 

The thing about me coming back to writing is that while I was away… We will say “someone”…  decided that stalking me on the internet, cloning my media sites, posting fake nudes… Yeah, you read that right…. Throwing all of my private information (including the town I live in, my son’s name and nick names, my business information, including this blog) out in the open while at the same time harassing anyone and everyone they could. The idea was to ruin my reputation. The idea was  to pop the safe little bubble I had created to protect my son and myself from the internet… Because parenting, and privacy… However it didn’t work. Those who knew me laughed and kept on truckin’. Those who didn’t know me, sort of shook their heads in disgust,  but came back to me with questions.. Concerns.. Because what was posted and said was so bizarre. In the end none of it matters other than I no longer have the privacy I once had, and really at this point: fuck it. LMAO

 You see, if you have been following me regularly I generally use gender neutral pronouns for my better half. Was I ashamed, you ask? Hell no! I didn’t want readers to get stuck on WORDS. I didn’t want it to be even more obvious of who I was. Lol. I skimmed over things that would easily identify me. But, “someone” has made it so that it is easily tracible to who I am. So, from now on, it’s going to be all out in the open… Watch out internet, BECAUSE NOW I REALLY HAVE NO FILTER! LMAO

So, join me on this new journey of letting it all hang out… And finally knitting some penis socks. 

Catriona 

XOXOXOXOX

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Hold on to your trousers; I’m BACK!

After almost a year long hiatus, I’m BACK!

 

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You guys don’t know how much I have missed you. Without you I have had no place for my useless rambling to go! HA. Except at those in my direct vicinity. Heh. You’errrrrr Welcome, guys….

While I have stumbled back in the door here like some drunkin’ Salor,  HhhheeeeyyyyyYYYYYYY, I’ve also revived my twitter. So, STALK ME. 

HOW ARE YOU ALL? TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL MMMMEEEEE!

Just a quick update – Don’t worry. I will be Bach.

Catriona

XOXOXO

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Farwell Address

I would like it noted that Autocorrect wanted to change ‘Address’ to ‘Adrian’. Apparently Autocorrect wants to say Farewell to Adrian.  . 

Anyone with eyeballs can see where this is going so let’s get on with it,  shall we?  I want to start by saying how much I have enjoyed meeting you all.  I still get daily emails and PM’s ,  and DM’s , and all the other “M’s” Social Media has to offer even when  I don’t post for months (and months). I am so grateful for all the friends I’ve made,  and the stories you have all shared both privately and publicly.  I cannot,  ever,  get over how much love and support I’ve received over the years from readers,  people who pass by,  and of course my stalkers.  

With that being said…  I would like to announce that this Outlet For My Madness will be discontinued. I’m dismantling all things “Catriona” (ugh,  talk about a fucking chore.  I hope someone is keeping track of it all,  because I’m certainly not). All domains,  shops,  and social media will be shut down with the week.  

Now,  you are going to ask: BUT WHY? Well..  that’s a many layered answer.  The short version is this: Since my “Friend” and one of very few people who knew about this blog outed me on his social media,  and then recently relatives have read my blog. . . It’s become a sore spot,  a reminder really,  for people I love. And frankly,  I love them more than I love any of you.   (SorryNotSorry) So,  I feel it’s in the best interest for my relationships if I just walk away from here.  I can see some of you arguing through your screen,  and really,  you do have a point.  But,  my rebuttal is Love.  I Love my family more than I need to have an outlet for my insanity.  My words and thoughts cause pain.  Again,  stop yelling I hear you.  But, in my heart,  it aches to do ANYTHING I can to make the people I love,  and essentially the one closest to me comfortable in the new life I am working to build.  

So,  with that being said; Thank you. Truly.  Thank you.  For every word. Every effort big or small.  Thank you.  I will never forget how this blog and all of you helped me sort out my thoughts. Please don’t forget about Penis Socks,  or Stuffed STD’s , and how much I adore EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.  I will keep Catrionaiscrazy@gmail.com for ANY OF YOU WHO NEED HELP,  OR AN EAR.  (However,  all other Catriona related media will be discontinued and removed ). 

Special Note: All guest appearances /blogs,  columns I have already made a commitment to are not effected until their original termination date.  

So,  with a truly heavy heart I say Goodbye.  I love you all. 

Catriona

Xoxoxo 

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Fernando

I’ve got the worst headache,  EVER.

I’ve named him Fernando.

Fernando popped up around the time I started to deal with the lawyers,  and such.

It’s gotten to the point that I’m talking to him. Don’t worry,  I’m not hearing any answer, yet.

I’m  still awake because Fernando won’t shut up.

Let’s look through my phone and see if there’s anything that will take my mind of the horrid pain in my head, shall we?

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This is actually true. Hahah

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This one is also true.  Hahha.

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This just makes me laugh.

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That’s all for now.  Lol.
Fernando it picking at my eye.  So.  Ouch.  Sleep… Come. To.  Me.

Oxoxoxoxox
Catriona

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2pm madness

I’m watching Farscape  (if you don’t know what that is,  we can’t be friends any more), I can’t sleep (surprise!).

Thought I wouldn’t….. Damn,  I just lost track of my frame of thought. 

Oh! I remember now,  I thought I would stop and say hello.

Maybe take a dump. The photo kind.  Let’s see what weird stuff I have going on in my phone,  shall we?

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#true

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Took this last week.

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Did you know?

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Annnnd this

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Hahaha! OK. I’m done.. And tired.

Xoxoox
Catriona

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I’m so Sexy !

Like, you have no idea!

LOOK AT ME!

Teejay Cupcake

I AM HOT!!!!! I can’t even take it.

@JustTeeJay drew this portrait of me a while ago, and since my brain is scattered I had not updated. But HERE I AM. Don’t I look better as I age?!

If you haven’t already seen her work, take a gander. It will BLOW YOU AWAY.

Click HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE!

To visit her page!

Seriously, you wont be sorry.

I have to go stare at myself now. I’m just too sexy for my own good.

OXOXOXOX

Catriona

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