Stuff my stocking…

I’ve been thinking extensively about the coming holidays (boobs).

I just love the holidays (boobs).

When I think about the holidays – I think of family, good food, beautiful atmosphere, hand crafted gifts, and crazy relatives being complete and just utter jackholes (boobs).

I’m so far behind in the whole Xmas shopping/making things, thing. That’s almost unheard of for me. I need to get on that shit, like, stat.

You know, I’ve received some pretty epic holiday gifts over the years. Some …wayyyyy more ridiculous than others. For example – several years ago Santa left this, and only this, in my stocking….

Do you know what this is?

Hint: it’s not a scoop of ice cream.

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Still not sure?

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Yeah. That’s right. Santa gave me boobs for Christmas. A brand new pair of boobs.

He’s so flippin’ thoughtful.

He really does know everything about me!

I mean, I know I have the chest of an 11 year old boy, I’m good with that. But I was unaware that Santa had boobdar in his arsenal of special skills.

I keep them in my dresser next to that ugly sweater you gave me. I’ve never actually used my boobs for anything other than Halloween, but I love the fact that I have boobs, in my drawers.

What kinds of weird items has Santa given you guys? I think I need to know.

Catriona

Beeping Beeper

Son – “Mom, mom. There’s beeping in my room.”

Coffee Fiend – “What?”

Son – “Beeping. THERE’S BEEPING.”

Coffee Fiend – “Beeping?”

Son – “BEEPING. I. can’t. sleep. with. the. annoying. BEEPING.”

Coffee Fiend – “Ok, ok. Let’s go.”

Son – “THE BEEPING.”

Coffee Fiend – “Yes, yes lets go find it.”

Son – “Kill it.”

Coffee Fiend – “Not a problem dear. I generally kill things that wake me at 4:30am, anyway.”

Son – *Giggles*

So, I stumbled out of bed and out of my room to find the beeping. It was my office. My friggen office was beeping at 4:30am. My battery backup was having a friggen seizure. Sigh.

I killed the beeper, my child cheered, and I stumbled back to my room…only to come horrifyingly close to stepping in the largest pile of dog puke I’ve ever seen.  (You know you wanted to know that last part.)

Beeping and dog puke. That’s all I got people.

Oh. OH, OH. No, No no no! I have something else. Something exciting:

I have COLORED googly eyes!!   oooooooooooyea

Heh.

Catriona

 

Raise your hand if….

..you’ve been up since 5:30am.

Yeah, you see my hand? Yeah, that would be me. I’ve been up since then, yup.

I was woken up to a panicked child squished up against my bed, looking up at me, “Mom, Mom. I know it’s 5:30am, but the light in my room won’t work.”

Coffee fiend –  “Is it just your room, or the whole house hunny?”

Son – “It’s just my room. The rest of the house is fine. You know I don’t care about the rest of the house.” (he was also still half asleep)

Coffee fiend – “Ok, I’ll get the light bulbs.”

Son – “HERE.”  *shoves light bulbs at me*

Coffee fiend – “Hunny?”

Son – “Yes mom?”

Coffee fiend – “Please wait till after I’ve put on my glasses to start shoving things at me, ok?”

Son – “I’m sorry mom. I just hate it when the light in there is out. It should knock that off.”

Coffee fiend – “I know hunny. I’ll give it a good talkin’ to, don’t you worry.”

Son – *giggles*

Now, before you all start screamin “send him back to bed, it’s 5:30am, it’s not a big deal..bla bla!..” – ohhh but it is. There are a few things my son just cannot handle, and the light not working in his room is definitely one of them. There’s no way my child would go back to sleep knowing the light doesn’t work. No. Way. It has nothing to do with the darkness. He’s not scared of the dark. He doesn’t even really use the light in there often. It just has to be in functioning order when he wants it. Why? Because he got his momma’s quirkiness, lol.

Soooo yeah, by 6am I had already challenged how many coffee-fiending-monsters it takes to change a light bulb, and made Cinnamon buns.

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Hope you are all full of coffee this morning. I know I am. whooooo….

Catriona