That is not the type of thing that shows up in an Autopsy.

Hi. OH. Are you wondering what I meant by my title? Yeah, me too. LOL. My brain has the tenancy to just populate random sentences. Half the time it even surprises me.

life is funny, you know? In the blink of an eye everything changes. I swear I blinked and my smiley, giggly toddler grew up to be a smiley teenager. TEENAGER. I own one of those? CRAP. I own one of those. I should be terrified. I should be, but I’m not. Denial? Maybe. Maybe I have faith that him and I can work through anything. Yeah. That is what it is.

I’ve been walking a lot. I know, you are all Surprised. 

Walking around here is always fascinating. You go from Cow Town, knee deep in grass, horses giving you the hairy eye-ball..from all directions..to suddenly… a huge town as far as the eye can see. I love how quite it is here.

Night time is one of my favorite times to walk.

There is only one street light for a while.

The sky is my favorite possession. Even when it’s grey, or completely dark, it’s beauty shines through.

 

HOLY CRAP – My Facebook just alerted me to THIS:

If that is not just as terrifying as thereal Trump…….

OK internet. I am DONE for the day. Damn.

 

Take care guys!

Catriona

XOXOXOX

Guacamole Cops

So, I’m in the car, right, and I’m talking and blah blah blah, and alllll of a sudden I have the urge to look down. So, I do (duh). What do I see? A weird ass grease spot looking at me. 

The HellllllLLLL is THAT? I wasn’t eating, we had been in the car for about an hour. No drinks, nothing leaked. Nothing.  Where the hell this thing came from, I have no idea. 

So I named it “Amy”. 

Amy didn’t appreciate how long we were in the car. She didn’t like the lack of coffee that was going on. She had a real issue with little guys in big trucks with ball sacks hanging off the back. She had a lotttttt to say about those… She was super mouthy. Like,  for real. She was a real thorn in the driver’s side. She had this accent that no one could figure out, and she swore like a trucker. 

It got to the point that I had to ask her to leave. She refused. I threatened. I tried to physically remove Amy, but my attempts were thwarted. 

Finally, I stuck an oversided Bambi sticker over her face (regrettablely, I didn’t get a photo) and we went about our day. Worked like a charm! Remind me to get more of those. 

I’d forgotten all about her until later when I went to do the laundry. There she was, glaring at me, the Bitch. So I shoved her ass into the washer (not before assaulting her with some heavy duty Amy Remover), annnnd I haven’t heard from her since. Now granted, I’ve been too lazy to go back into the laundry room… Bitch better be gone by the time I walk back in there! 

In an unrelated note: guacamole chips (auto correct wanted me to say “Guacamole Cops“, the helllll is THAT?), are addicting and I’m currently looking for a support group. Anyone have any suggestions? 

Catriona

XOXOXOXO

Catriona in the cow field

My better half had this weird thing with winning me cows from various fairs, machines, and weird game stands. I don’t even know how it started. Lol. We had two particular stuffed cows that were my favorite Henfers. (Better Half named all cows “Hefner”, it was hilarious). One was obnoxiously large and round. The other was so tiny, you couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness. Both Hefners lived on our bed for years. 

Unfortunately, I only have one Hefner left. The small one. It’s now locked in a box I had made for my son….I will go into that another time… 

Every cow I received had this goofy friggen look on its face. The kind you could be Earth-Shatteringly-Angry, and still couldn’t keep a straight face if you saw one of these things. So, as you can imagine I can’t see a cow, even a real cow, without laughing like an idiot. Every. Damn. Time. It’s made worse if the cow desides to throw a “Moo” at me. I can’t see a cow, or hear a cow, without smiling like an idiot. 

Annnnnddddd then there’s the part where I live close to cows pastures.  I can’t really go anywhere without seeing a cow. It’s a bit obnoxious, really. Even my son has started to notice. We’ve been taking long walks lately, and just sort of exploring. Recently he looked up and said “MOM! Hefner got huge!”.  I laughed, the cows started Mooing, we laughed more… I had to eventually pull us away. Which really proved hard, as their were cow fields on both sides of us for a good twenty minutes. Anyone passing us by would have thought we were nuts. 

It’s been over a year since she died. Yeah guys; I said she. 

The thing about me coming back to writing is that while I was away… We will say “someone”…  decided that stalking me on the internet, cloning my media sites, posting fake nudes… Yeah, you read that right…. Throwing all of my private information (including the town I live in, my son’s name and nick names, my business information, including this blog) out in the open while at the same time harassing anyone and everyone they could. The idea was to ruin my reputation. The idea was  to pop the safe little bubble I had created to protect my son and myself from the internet… Because parenting, and privacy… However it didn’t work. Those who knew me laughed and kept on truckin’. Those who didn’t know me, sort of shook their heads in disgust,  but came back to me with questions.. Concerns.. Because what was posted and said was so bizarre. In the end none of it matters other than I no longer have the privacy I once had, and really at this point: fuck it. LMAO

 You see, if you have been following me regularly I generally use gender neutral pronouns for my better half. Was I ashamed, you ask? Hell no! I didn’t want readers to get stuck on WORDS. I didn’t want it to be even more obvious of who I was. Lol. I skimmed over things that would easily identify me. But, “someone” has made it so that it is easily tracible to who I am. So, from now on, it’s going to be all out in the open… Watch out internet, BECAUSE NOW I REALLY HAVE NO FILTER! LMAO. 

So, join me on this new journey of letting it all hang out… And finally knitting some penis socks. 

Catriona 

XOXOXOXOX

Dumping Wednesday

Ever feel like your phone is too HEAVY? Like you just need to flip it over and see what dumps out onto the floor? Yeah. Me too. 

Let’s see what would fall out of my phone if that was possible:

Oh! I just made this for dinner. This is a crunchy wrap. Filled with Avocado, rice, tomatoes, spinach, salsa, cheese, sautéed peppers and onions and whatever other leftovers I could find. So good. 

Ooooo! This one is a cute little Mom and Pop shop I found the other day. I love those! 

This is what it looked like yesterday when we went for a walk. Doooom! 

I’m “Medieval as fuck”, FYI. 

Yeah, I have a prescription… 

Ooo found this at the store the other day!! 

WhateverTheHellThisIs:

My app is mean to me:

LOL. I have some ridiculous stuff in my phone. It’s a good thing when I drop it, it isn’t actually capable of allowing all my weirdness fall out! 
Catriona 

OXOXOXOX