No one’s got time for that, Batman.

My kid, I tell ya.

So today I was sitting on the couch messing with my phone as my son played Mincraft.

annnnnd then Pandora does what it loves to do: scare the crap outa me by starting up by itself.

annnnd the song was GREAT. And by GREAT I mean it was horrid, but my son’s reaction was fantastic.

*spins around to glare in my direction* “What the?! Is that Batman? WHAT is that? That’s terrible. No one’s got time for that, Batman.” – Son

So naturally, I downloaded it, and set it as my texting ring tone. And since I have been talking to my brother all day, every day (a boring story), it didn’t take long for it to play.

“WHAT. WHY?” -Kid

*laughing so hard I fall over on the couch* “What?” – Me

“WHY BATMAN? WHY?” – Kid

“What, you don’t like that song?” -Me

“No, I certainly do not.” – Kid

“But you like Batman.” – Me

“BUT WHY IS HE TALKING LIKE THAT?” – Kid

I giggle, and he goes back to playing. I mute the sound so he doesn’t hear it go off.

About 30 mins later, I turn the sound back on:

“Seriously? you chose THAT as your ring tone? Dirty Batman.” – Kid

“OK, time to go shopping.” – Me

So, we get into the grocery store and it goes off:

“REALLY? You are ok with people hearing that???” – Kid

“Sure, why not?” – Me

*Whips out his phone* “I am going to spam you so everyone can hear it” *evil grin* – Kid

*Pulls phone out of pocket and holds it up so everyone can hear* “OK” – Me

“Oh my God, you don’t care.” -Kid

“Nope” – Me

“Why don’t you care? It’s HORRIBLE. And it’s Batman.” – Kid

“It’s not Batman, it’s Manson.” -Me

“It’s Crazy. And it’s Batman.” – Kid

“It’s Manson.” – Me

“Why’s he calling himself ‘Daddy’? – Kid

“Does Batman Call himself Daddy?” – Me

“No.” -Kid

“Because it’s Marilyn Manson.” – Me

“No.” – Kid

I laugh harder than one should in an store, and shut it off. The subject then went to what kind of tomatoes were are going to get.

When we get home I put everything away, and turn the the notifications on my phone back on. I walk up the stairs and am just about in my room when it goes off. This is what I hear from down stairs:

“NOOOOOOooooo Marilyn Batman!”

BAHAHAHHAHAHAH!

It really is a horrid song. It’s Marilyn Manson and …..Wait for it…..Avril Lavigne. Yeah. What? 

The beginning is Manson’s growly voice saying “Lay your head in daddy’s lap, you’re a bad girl.”

If you want to hear a horrid song click HERE.

And for those who are going to listen and then scream that I let my son listen to THAT. He’s only heard the beginning. Also, he plays XBOX. He’s already heard everything under the Sun. 

XOXOXOXOX

Catriona

Heartburn & Sherlock

Spent the day cleaning, catching up on E-mails, and cleaning out half of my son’s closet to make a “Club House” so he’d stop searching about all the closets in the house with a pillow and flashlight. Lol.

Now the kid and I are now watching Sherlock.  Lol.

I have the worst heartburn, ever. EVER. I may name it. Like, Bethany, or Beatrice.  Nothing seems to help it. I think she’s here to stay with me and Pansy.

I have a lot on my mind. Pansy and I have been going at it again. Our fights are worse than ever. It’s worse when someone provokes Pansy, knowingly. Friggen awful that Pansy can be used against me. Oh well, everyone has a weakness, mine is just out there like a huge red lighted button for anyone to slam, causing me horrid pain.

Lots, and lots on my mind.

I think that’s enough for now.
OXOXOX
Catriona

Origami to the face

This new medication has been knocking me on my ass. Not only is it causing a ruckus in my stomach (which is flippin unheard of as I live on meds and coffee all day long, no problem), I have been experiencing sleeping issues due to the side effects. I guess the headaches aren’t helping either. Anyway. I woke up with a dog on my head, and my kid forcing an Origami space ship in my face. hahah. I think there might have been a ladybug involved, too. Yeah, there was. At several different times there were several different Monsters in my facial region. hahah. I think he was checking for life. lol.

I am so proud of my kid. We took Medical Transport to our appointments annnnnd of course the first thing you see is a stretcher. “That brings back bad memories, but it’s ok.” He said, sitting there looking at it. And he really was. I thought for sure it was going to set the tone for an already stressful appointment. He took it well, noted that life is less stressful without my Cat, but that he still has so much love, and still considers Cat his parent. “Cat is just sick. Cat may not get better, I know that. But that doesn’t change my feelings.”  I’m so sad for, and proud of him -being able to break it down like this, despite it all.

So I walked him into his appointment bracing myself; knowing I would be holding down/ carrying/ putting in a hold my child that is my EXACT weight, very soon. I was dreading this friggen appointment. We walked in and he was so enthralled by the architecture of the building that he forgot it was an eye appointment, Hahah. My kid doesn’t allow anyone to put anything near his eyes, except me, and even then I have to really work at it. I was floored that he allowed the tech to HOLD his eye lid open. He expressed EXTREME dislike, but allowed it. I was impressed. Then eye drop time came. This is the time I usually have to put him in a hold, ending in my having to carry him out of the building in a meltdown. Sooooo I stood up, smiled at him and said “Now you know what we are going to do now. Do you need me to put you in a hold now, or can we try it on your own first? (I always give him a choice, he knows himself, and I always want him to try/ have a choice). He simply said “I think I will try”. “Good job bud.” I said as I mentally braced myself to intervene because I am the only one that can…..I reminded him that the Tech was a professional – does this everyday…. I stepped forward again still smiling, found all the strength I could feeling like I was about to wrestle a gator (because trust me, that’s what this is, my son does the Death Roll, I swear) and then, just like that, he allowed the guy to put drops in his eyes. WHAT!? HOLY CATS BATMAN. Not once but twice. WHAT?! Who’s kid is this?? Not mine! Mine would have been in a hold by now as I use both of our weights to keep him pinned in the chair, like our specialists taught me, to keep him from hurting himself, or someone else accidentally. Mine kid would be screaming and crying because his Sensory Processing Disorder had already taken over the situation. By this time I would have pulled him from the chair, carried him through the lobby, from the building, braced myself up against the outside of the building, while still holding on to him, all the while talking him down. Instead, I was staring at my kid holding a tissue to his eye telling me how much that “was not pleasant”, glaring at the Tech and simply sitting there. HE WAS JUST SITTING THERE! I could have fallen over. This appointment is the one I thank the Gods every year for only being once a year. This is the only time of year I KNOW I am going to be sore the day after. Autistic kids and Eye Exams just are not friends. Going room to room, machine to machine. Nope. But this year, we hit another Mile Stone. I’m over the moon. I can’t tell you what this means.

I was still in shock and SURE that I would be dealing with a meltdown later since it didn’t happen while in the chair, but I was wrong. The only thing I had to do was pin him up against the outside of the building, not in a hold, but because he said “My eyes are wonky, things are doing stuff”. He needed to feel secure. haha. He tripped twice over his own feet, and laughed that he thought someone must have drugged him.

My son picked out maroon glasses by the way. lol. He unfortunately has his momma’s eyes. He will now have to wear glasses constantly, not just for reading, just like me. The Doctor looked over at me and made a comment about how blind I was, and to watch for that with my son. “What the hell, these are the thin lenses!” I laughed. He smiled real big and told me could tell by how my lenses were refracting light. WELL I NEVER! I AM A LADY! DON’T BE LOOKIN’ AT HOW I’M REFRACTING! He laughed so hard I thought he was going to pop an eye ball.

My son later noted that the Eye Doctor’s mannerisms reminded him of Doctor Who. Just so you know. 

So there you go. Origami and Autism Mile Stones, and Doctor Who.

Also, did you know this month is Autism Awareness Month? Well you do now. lol 

OXOXOX

Catriona

Accidental Social Experiment

I don’t believe in being wasteful.

So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that from time to time I use my son’s old, raggedy ass, kick you in the face Bright Orange school bag (if you knew me, you would know that Orange is not my color, annnnnd you would die laughing). I mostly use it because it has the BEST laptop pocket, ever. Anyway. So, this morning I grabbed it, dumped the contents of my purse in, grabbed my laptop, and out the door I went with my son.

We hopped the bus, I dropped my son off at school and I hit the bakery. I was low on cash so I skipped coffee and got a doughnut (to lessen the Parkour going on in my stomach due to meds)……only to be surprised by free coffee – cream already in it and everything! YES! I could have kissed my coffee guy.

Annnnnnd then I left the bakery…. it didn’t take long for um, weird dudes thinking I was a High School girl to try to pick me up. I get that I am small framed, I was wearing glasses, and a backpack – OK. but I don’t REALLY look THAT young. But, lets get back to the several different OLD guys, in several different areas trying to pick me up, because I looked like a teenager?! One was in a company truck and NAMED the School he thought I went to. Even sighted that he spotted me across town (and was accurate). WHAT? Now, if I were a High School girl I am sure I would have been terrified. TERRIFIED. This dude spotted me across town – did he follow me, or did he just happen to be in the same two places I was in several hours?? Now, I am an adult, and I will hand ANYONE their ass if they come near me, BUT if I’m being treated this way – WHAT ABOUT REAL HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS?!

I ended the day disgusted with humanity. I’m lugging around my 8 year old, ten pound Dino of a laptop in my son’s beaten up backpack so I can attend a meeting I’d rather throw myself off a building than attend, and these sausages want to pick me up because I look like young meat? FUCK THAT, where’s Lorena Bobbitt when you need her?! I better not catch any dude even looking at young girls. WHERE THE HELL IS MY BAT? The world should breath a sigh of relief that I have a son, NOT a daughter.

Pervy, pervy World.

UGH. I need to go scrub with bleach.

XOXOXO

Catriona