Tag Archives: xmas

My penis can’t hear you

I think I’ve eaten way too many Jolly ranchers. Whoa.

So, does anyone else find it interesting that I received these spammy messages about Viagra  on a post entitled “BRING ON THE CHLAMYDIA!“….? Notice the comment is attached to a picture of a stuffed STD.

Clap

Good game spammers, good game.

Speaking of which –  WHY do I ALWAYS get sexual spam meant for dudes? Why? I want sexual chick spam, gosh darn it! If you are going to spam me, appeal to vagina! My penis can’t hear you. Trust me.

Also, I just learned something I’d like to share with all of you. A few of you in particular. Read carefully because it’s important and rather apparent from some of the messages I get that you guys didn’t know this particular shred of info either.

Screenshot_2013-10-11-18-42-03_1

My grandmother asked me what I wanted for xmas as I was leaving her house yesterday. I was headed out the front door at the time and just sorta turned back to yell that I wanted an STD or two, and that I would send her the website for them when I got a chance. As I turned back to continue I almost ran over the postman who was apparently about to knock on the door. He had this look on his face like he was going to die right on the spot. I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders and kept walking. I heard my gram greet him and laugh “That’s my granddaughter. She’s special you know.”

I’m pretty sure that guy was thinking the exact same thing, grams.

Catriona

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HEY, Can’t you see I’m drooling here?!

Yeah, Hi. Good Morning.

I despise morning. Who ever invented mornings should be taken out back and shot. In the knee caps. Then, tied to an angry cow. Yeah, I said it. You know you were thinking it. Anrgry.Mother.Fuckin’.Cow.

Have you ever had one of those mornings where you sit in the other room listening to what you strongly HOPE is the coffee dripping into the cup, and not the floor, and wonder…..am I going to have to lick my coffee from the floor, agian… damn…… At home, I don’t have this issue because I use a coffee press not a mofoin’ one cup Keurig thingie. Evil Keurig. FUCK YOU KEURIG.

I’m getting old. I think I will pick up knitting. I think my first attempt at knitting will be a Penis Sock. Xmas is just around the corner and since a lot of people I love happen to own a penis – I need  to get going. The problem here is how does one go about deciding the size of the sock needed?……yeah, think about that one for a min.

Alright, I am off….heh….

 

Catriona

 

 

 

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