Tag Archives: photography

Kiss me WHERE?!

Well hello, peoples!  How are you? How have you been? Good? Bad? Join any cults while I was gone? (No, I’m not down to join. Just, No.) Anything exciting happen while I’ve been away?! Do tell!

What have I been doing, you ask? Nothing really. Just painting my nails. What? I could be a compulsive nail painter, you don’t know. Or, I could be that chick who drinks nail polish (seriously, have you seen that? WHOA). Hahha! Maybe that’s how I’ll call out of work tomorrow; “Sorry, I drank a bad bottle of nail polish, I’m not feeling very well….” I mean, I do call out “Dead” sometimes, soooo….Hmmm.

Have you ever actually read the names of your favorite nail polishes? Seriously, you should. Go do it right now. I just went and found mine a second ago as I was giving you all a hard time about judging me for being a compulsive nail painter, annnnnnnnd it’s hilarious. Wait till you see the names and colors:



This is “Kiss me here”…

Kiss me here 2


Now, wait a min, kiss me WHERE? WHAT!? That there is GREY. Where, WHERE are you going to kiss me that is gonna be GREY?!  WTF? Hahahahaha! Unless, of course I’m deceased, or diseased. In that case YOU have some serious flippin’ issues for wanting to kiss me ANYWHERE. SICKO! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!? UGH. Some people.

This is “Spit Fire”.

Spit fire 2

Makes much more sense than that first one. I have nothing witty to say. Sorry.


That’s what my nail polish says about me: Kiss me here, Spit Fire.


Kiss me hereSpit fire




What’s yours say? Hahhaahah Seriously, I wanna know.




* I would like you all to know that when I typed in “Grey” into the Tags box, “Teal and grey Molesters” populated automatically…um…hmmm… While I am sure this means something to someone…..It’s still a very creepy mental image to have without warning. .

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Free Porn is having a hard time loading my page.

Um. What the hell did I just write?


free pornFree Porn is having a hard time loading my page.

I’m sorry Free Porn. I’m not sure why you, of all people, are having an issue loading my page. I hope you really did check back later. I also hope you aren’t having any more loading issues.

We’re still pals tho, right?



HELLO PEOPLE! How are all you loopy fuckers?!

It’s been crazy at my house. Been workin’ an junk. That and, you know, screwing off. Hhahah. Nothing really exciting, just working a lot and screwing off. Shit. I think I just said that… Maybe no one will notice? Ahahaha! I’m suffering a bit from sleep deprivation. It’s alright tho cuzz sleep deprivation can be hilarious. Completely amusing at times. Well, maybe it’s only amusing because I’m sleep deprived? Sleep deprivation can be useful.  Shit. How many times have I said ‘sleep deprivation’……?….I’m sure no one will notice. There is one thing for sure – there isn’t anything more funny at 2:30 in the morning.. than Pussycorns. Ohhh yeah, you read that correctly. Be glad I don’t have your phone numbers people, because when I get crazy tired – I do things like harass my friends with horrid FB stickers. .

The blue is me…..



Yeah, people. Be glad your aren’t on my contact list. That was the night I realized FB had horrible stickers. This is only part of the convo…I think I went on and on….hahaha. I was so tried and so amused with my friend’s responses that I think I might have pulled something laughing.

Seriously. Pulled. Something. Laughing.

Friggen Pussycorns.

Gosh, I have such ridiculous crap in my phone. I just went looking for something and ..instead found…



and REALLY – I have no idea why this is in my phone…..Sleep deprivations, I tell ya…..





Now, this one I do remember.

You’re welcome.


Hahahahah! Did you miss me? LMAO. You know you did.

I need to go lay down, and try to refrain from spamming my friends with terrifying FB stickers. .


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Stuff my stocking…

I’ve been thinking extensively about the coming holidays (boobs).

I just love the holidays (boobs).

When I think about the holidays – I think of family, good food, beautiful atmosphere, hand crafted gifts, and crazy relatives being complete and just utter jackholes (boobs).

I’m so far behind in the whole Xmas shopping/making things, thing. That’s almost unheard of for me. I need to get on that shit, like, stat.

You know, I’ve received some pretty epic holiday gifts over the years. Some …wayyyyy more ridiculous than others. For example – several years ago Santa left this, and only this, in my stocking….

Do you know what this is?

Hint: it’s not a scoop of ice cream.

IMG_20131108_135815 (1)




Still not sure?





Yeah. That’s right. Santa gave me boobs for Christmas. A brand new pair of boobs.

He’s so flippin’ thoughtful.

He really does know everything about me!

I mean, I know I have the chest of an 11 year old boy, I’m good with that. But I was unaware that Santa had boobdar in his arsenal of special skills.

I keep them in my dresser next to that ugly sweater you gave me. I’ve never actually used my boobs for anything other than Halloween, but I love the fact that I have boobs, in my drawers.

What kinds of weird items has Santa given you guys? I think I need to know.


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Beeping Beeper

Son “Mom, mom. There’s beeping in my room.”

Coffee Fiend“What?”

Son “Beeping. THERE’S BEEPING.”

Coffee Fiend“Beeping?”

Son “BEEPING. I. can’t. sleep. with. the. annoying. BEEPING.”

Coffee Fiend “Ok, ok. Let’s go.”


Coffee Fiend “Yes, yes lets go find it.”

Son“Kill it.”

Coffee Fiend“Not a problem dear. I generally kill things that wake me at 4:30am, anyway.”


So, I stumbled out of bed and out of my room to find the beeping. It was my office. My friggen office was beeping at 4:30am. My battery backup was having a friggen seizure. Sigh.

I killed the beeper, my child cheered, and I stumbled back to my room…only to come horrifyingly close to stepping in the largest pile of dog puke I’ve ever seen.  (You know you wanted to know that last part.)

Beeping and dog puke. That’s all I got people.

Oh. OH, OH. No, No no no! I have something else. Something exciting:

I have COLORED googly eyes!!   oooooooooooyea





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Raise your hand if….

..you’ve been up since 5:30am.

Yeah, you see my hand? Yeah, that would be me. I’ve been up since then, yup.

I was woken up to a panicked child squished up against my bed, looking up at me, “Mom, Mom. I know it’s 5:30am, but the light in my room won’t work.”

Coffee fiend –  “Is it just your room, or the whole house hunny?”

Son “It’s just my room. The rest of the house is fine. You know I don’t care about the rest of the house.” (he was also still half asleep)

Coffee fiend “Ok, I’ll get the light bulbs.”

Son“HERE.”  *shoves light bulbs at me*

Coffee fiend“Hunny?”

Son“Yes mom?”

Coffee fiend“Please wait till after I’ve put on my glasses to start shoving things at me, ok?”

Son“I’m sorry mom. I just hate it when the light in there is out. It should knock that off.”

Coffee fiend “I know hunny. I’ll give it a good talkin’ to, don’t you worry.”

Son – *giggles*

Now, before you all start screamin “send him back to bed, it’s 5:30am, it’s not a big deal..bla bla!..” – ohhh but it is. There are a few things my son just cannot handle, and the light not working in his room is definitely one of them. There’s no way my child would go back to sleep knowing the light doesn’t work. No. Way. It has nothing to do with the darkness. He’s not scared of the dark. He doesn’t even really use the light in there often. It just has to be in functioning order when he wants it. Why? Because he got his momma’s quirkiness, lol.

Soooo yeah, by 6am I had already challenged how many coffee-fiending-monsters it takes to change a light bulb, and made Cinnamon buns.



Hope you are all full of coffee this morning. I know I am. whooooo….

My mug. Not yours. Mine.


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Oh the smell…….

I’ve had my windows open for days.

Today, I woke up to the smell of someone using their wood stove. The air was crisp and for a moment, before I opened my eyes, I thought I was home. It was wonderful until the dog chased the cat into the room, onto the bed, and over my head in a flurry of tails and claws. .


October is almost over, sigh. It’s my favorite month.










Just don’t do it.









Yeah, that’s all I got. I’ve sort of forgotten what I came here to write about. …


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There is a bad taste in there.

Yeah, in my mouth.

Bad, bad taste.

Apple Cider.

It’s my favorite, FAVORITE beverage of Autumn. If, IF it doesn’t taste like it was poured into your glass via someone’s unhealthy rectum.

(I keep hearing “Rectum? Damn near killed em!” playing in my head over and over, just fyi.)

This right here, this was terrible. I don’t even know how to explain just how awful this was.


You know you like my glasses, BTW. I adore these, they’re my favorite.

I wish I lived in a state that I could get fresh, nonrectum tasting Apple cider. Sigh. Is that too much to ask?






Today hasn’t been too eventful.

It’s nice and cool here, I was able to open the windows. My cats are over the moon.

Camera Effects


Annnnnd say hello to Pie. Pie will be in the oven tomorrow, to make, well you know, pie.





That’s all I got people. I’m irritated and tired and all sorts of under caffeinated. I need to……….hold on my son is making a suggestion…………………Hahhah He says you should all see my necklace…..



He gave it to me several years ago for Mother’s day. It’s a locket. It says “I love you mom” inside. 🙂

He’s so funny. Anyway, there you go. Bad apple cider, cats, and a child with good taste in jewelry.


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Please claim your missing purple tentacles HERE.

Are you missing your purple tentacles? Because I have them.

I don’t know why I have them, or why you chose to leave them on the floor of my bedroom (creeper), but you did and so now I have them. I don’t want them. Please, please claim them. You have no idea how disturbing it is to have someone else’s tentacles just hangin’ around the house all willy nilly.


Also, I hope that I don’t find your head lurking around…..I’ve spoken to my child and he assures me he has no idea who you are or why your tentacles would be bangin’ around my house.

Seriously, get your body parts outa my house.



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It’s not what you think it’s about

Alllllllllllllright my minions, I won t be spewing about clowns today.

Instead, you get this.


Why? Because I said so. That’s why. You take it, and you like it.



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Butt – Gloss

Yeah, I get my gloss from the butt of a blue owl. Don’t judge me.

IMAG5122 (1)

The first time I ever saw one of these was in a Pier 1. I remember being shocked; “Is the gloss in his BUTT?” I asked the cashier. She very quickly gave me a judgmental look and explained in a condescending tone that “she didn’t think so.”

Bitch lied.

My sister gave me one. If you want lip gloss – be prepared to be digging in his butt for it.



That’s all I got, Butt-Gloss.


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