Tag Archives: dialog

Where the hell have you (read: I ) been?!

HOLY BUTT SAUCE, It’s been crazy.

(Butt sauce?? I have no idea, it’s just what came to mind. I deeply apologize.)

Did I mention before that I took on a new job annnnnd a few new projects? WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING? heh.

……we interrupt this post to inform you that my son’s tablet charger is, as he put it; “All jacked up”. . sigh, he is my child, isn’t he?……

I miss you guys. I miss reading all your crazy funny posts. Most of you make me laugh like mad, even when I want to bang my head. I just haven’t had much time these days. Hopefully that will change soon. I know I have awards and E-mails/questions to get to, I’m working on it. Well, at this moment I’m really not. But, I plan on doing so very, very soon. hahah.

Did you guys know it’s almost Autumn?! Sweet butt kisses (OH MY STARS WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? I have a butt issue today. It’s totally not like that, I SWEAR…) I LOVE AUTUMN. I’m a complete freak about it, too. I might have a small (read: FUCKING GINORMOUS) pumpkin problem. I happen to live in an area that is sucky for this time of year, it’s very sad. But, half the time I pretend I’m in a completely different part of the world anyway, lest I die of flippen lack of stimulation from the sheer dullness of this place. ugh. I’m having to fight the urge not to ramble on about PUMPKINS! Whhhooooooooo! Anyways…..

So yeah this post is all sorts of crazy, I’m sorry I’m not sorry. hahaha.

Answer my pole, bitches.

I just wanted to check in, I’ll be back soon. Behave, wackos.

Catriona

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Reader Appreciation Award

I was nominated for this award back in November of 2012 by a MightyTurk. I was over the moon and speechless to have received the award. At the time my life was overrun with Monkeys and Drama and AHHHHHHH! AHhahhaahha! I just now just sorta wondered back here so I want to accept and share!

 

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I suggest you guys head over to MightyTurk‘s blog. His posts are always engaging, I friggen love the photos he posts. I’m definitely  jealous of this guy’s travels, jerk. HAHAHAH. Thanks for the nomination MightyTurk! You rock my (penis) socks!

The rules of this nomination:

  1. Identify and show appreciation of the blogger who awarded you.
  2. You must add the award logo to your blog.
  3. Tell your readers 7 things about yourself.
  4. You must nominate 5-10 of your favorite bloggers for this award.
  5. Inform your nominees that you nominated them.

Seven things about myself, yikes. No one wants any of that! HAHHA. Fine:

1. I need to brush my hair, like, right now. Damn.

2. My issue with Coffee is way, way more complicated than any of you realize. We are in love, Coffee and I. We don’t care what you think.

3. I like the words “Bitchtits” & “Jackhole” entirely too much for it to be considered any kind of healthy.

4. I have questionable taste in Friends, apparently.

5. If I could do the horizontal polka with one appliance, it would be my French Press.

6. There may have been a change in my marital status in the last few months…

7. I’m craving jalapeno poppers.

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Nominate 5-10 Bloggers:

1. Keli Paan

2. Ajaytao

3. The Panama Adventure

4. Animalcouriers

5. MovieJoltz

6. MissyTwisted

7. Nicholiovich

8. beyondpaisley

9. Jess

10. Robert “Goat” Beveridge

 

Alright weirdos, I’m off to find some Jalapeno poppers. ❤

 

Catriona

 

 

 

 

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Dump W-day

Yeah I’m dumpin’ don’t judge me.

I have some ridiculous crap that I am gonna dump allllll over you. …

Hold on to your panties, this is going to get interesting. .

I FRIGGEN LOVE THIS. HAHAHHAHA!! I love the MOFO’in BunnyRaptor!!!!  I LOVE THE BUNNYRAPTOR!

totally

This just makes me laugh…

vagina 3

Ummmmmm……..hmmmmmmm…….I’m sorta upset I don’t get these kinda spiders in my house. ..

spinder

WILL SOMEONE TELL ME, PLEASE, WHAT IN THE BLUE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!

cac

cat holly

HAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!!

kitty pants

I will leave you with that.

Catriona

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Ask Catriona

So, I keep disappearing. (It will happen from time to time. I have tons of projects I pull the strings for…)

And when I disappear, I get mail. A lot of mail.

Some hate mail, some love mail, but mail none the less (for the record, I really, really LOVE the hate mail). I get questions and comments,  and just plan raw ridiculousness that makes me squish with excitement.

I’ve decided! I’ve decided that I’m going to start posting the messages, and tweets and weird stuff that I get from all the various media outlets that I lend myself to, here. Well not all, that’s crazy talk. Some. The some that I like, or the some that I think should be out in the land of entertainment, the land of real. Unless you give me direct permission to use your first name, user name, or sex handle (whatever you are into, weirdo) I will post them anonymously.

I get so many questions. SO.MANY.QUESTIONS. I love questions, I do. But, it would be so much easier for my lazy ass if they were, for the most part, in the same place. So, I will be answering questions on posts like this one. They will be filed under “Ask Catriona” and you will be free to read all the stuff people say to me when they think no one is looking. LMAO You are all free to ask any question you feel the need to ask, here, as well. I reserve the right to tell you to go to hell and delete your post (very rarely will I do this, but I draw the line at child abuse and old people beating questions, or statements). I almost always answer every question. Just sometimes never in any type of speedy manner.

Oh, also. For the most part – you will get more than one answer to choose from. I believe in freedom, and you have the freedom to believe what you want to be believe. And I have the freedom to keep you guessing, mofo.

Let’s start with the last round of questions and comments I have received. No names will be used, as no one had a chance to give permission.

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Q: Catriona, what do you smell like?

ANSWER(s):

A. I smell like I imagine a fresh vagina would, while dancing in the rain.

B. I smell like a tonic made from fruit flies.

C. Walnuts.

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Q: Is Catriona your real name?

ANSWER(s):

Yes, one of my many. Bologna being my first.

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Q: Can I have your phone number?

ANSWER(s):

A. No, but the reason isn’t you, it’s me. I’m the biggest stalker EVER. Sometimes (read: MOST times) I cannot help myself and I get a little out of hand. The collection of protection orders against me is starting to pile up, and my lawyer says that I need to stop, like, now.  He also wont let me publish a compilation of the protection orders all the lovers of the world have lovingly bestowed upon me. He’s an asshole.

B. Fuck that shit, yo.

C. I would, but you need to talk to my pimp first.

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Q: Can I have you E-mail address?

ANSWER(s):

A. Of course you can! Duh, it’s Ilovethecrack@braahahahaha.com

B. NO, weirdo!

C. I might be reachable at Catrionaiscrazy@gmail.com.

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That’s not even the tip of the weirdoburg. I love the weirdoburg.

Alright, that is all for now.

Catriona

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Kiss my teapot

I got me a new teapot, yo. Why do you care? CUZZ YOU SHOULD. That is all.

Don’t have much here, people. I know, I know. I’m boring these days. I can’t help it. I’m getting old. hahah.

OH. There is something I was wanting to share with all of you:

This.

size does matter

Google. What a funny thing.

I’m not even sure what I was researching…….It was a while ago….hmmmm what was it?! I can’t think of it right now. But I can tell you that it wasn’t one of  THOSE. I love that it tries to predict what you want – using the most frequent requests it receives. “I don’t know what size condom to buy” is one of the most often “I don’t know what,” requests?!!!?!! REALLY? hahahahahha!! That’s hysterical.

Gosh, I guess that’s all I got.

Oh, I have some photos to dump on you even tho it’s not Dump Sunday.

Here you go. Hang on to your panties!

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And my personal favorite:

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Alright, Catriona out.

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