The Brighter the Light – the Darker the Shadow.

You know life is hard when your French press breaks. Haha. Damn it all. Seriously? NOW?! What the hell? Hahaha. This one didn’t even go like the last one; this one was killed, by mistake, not by me. Sigh. Lol.

I’m going to stand on a corner with a sign that says “Need money for French Press.” See where that gets me?

LMAO

Not much going on. I’m doing Yoga again, meditation. Neither of which I am enjoying. Lol.  Doctor’s orders.

Can’t do much in this town without everyone noticing. I’m the only one with colored hair. Facial piercings seem to be unheard of here. I stick out like a sore thumb. What’s new? However this is to a degree I haven’t experienced in years.  I’m a complete oddity here with my proper Grandmother, and seemingly normal son in tow.  Lol.

I’m back to blasting my Ipod in my ears 24/7…just in one ear, so I can still hear the house and Gram.

It’s sooooo HOT HERE. AHHHHH. I mean, I am used to Florida Hot, but this is ridiculous. It’s even hot right now, and it’s 2:19am!

I am trying to write every day. It sucks lol. I am trying to go back to some of my previous projects, I just don’t have time. I feel like I am trying to grasp at something to make me feel normal.

Spent most of the day at the Hospital with Gram, she had tested all today, and all next week. All of which I have to attend. I swear my life was meant to be accompanying someone, or actually being in, a hospital. LMAO.

Thought about my friend that died recently. I guess I can’t help it, that damn painting is stilling on my desk. Ha. Sigh. I guess I should have known, he called me shortly before he died, and gave it to me. Bastard knew he was leaving, and never said a word. I didn’t pay enough attention. He was in another state, I was trying hard to keep my head above water..I wish I had been in a better place, for him.

One of my Orchids is looking like it’s going to bloom. Odd considering it’s been pretty rough looking since last May.  I’m fucking rambling now. I thinking I am trying to kill time before I have to do that fucking Guided Meditation Crap. Haha.

I used to love to Meditate. Now, I do it two times a day, and it pisses me off. Thinking it’s having the opposite effect desired by my Doctor. Hahaha. Who the fuck wants to get up earlier to make sure they fucking meditate? Not me. Lol.

I guess I should try to sleep, I have to be up at 8am for appointments, and such. All without a French press. Kill me now? Please? LOL

OXOXOX

Catriona

Accidental Social Experiment

I don’t believe in being wasteful.

So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that from time to time I use my son’s old, raggedy ass, kick you in the face Bright Orange school bag (if you knew me, you would know that Orange is not my color, annnnnd you would die laughing). I mostly use it because it has the BEST laptop pocket, ever. Anyway. So, this morning I grabbed it, dumped the contents of my purse in, grabbed my laptop, and out the door I went with my son.

We hopped the bus, I dropped my son off at school and I hit the bakery. I was low on cash so I skipped coffee and got a doughnut (to lessen the Parkour going on in my stomach due to meds)……only to be surprised by free coffee – cream already in it and everything! YES! I could have kissed my coffee guy.

Annnnnnd then I left the bakery…. it didn’t take long for um, weird dudes thinking I was a High School girl to try to pick me up. I get that I am small framed, I was wearing glasses, and a backpack – OK. but I don’t REALLY look THAT young. But, lets get back to the several different OLD guys, in several different areas trying to pick me up, because I looked like a teenager?! One was in a company truck and NAMED the School he thought I went to. Even sighted that he spotted me across town (and was accurate). WHAT? Now, if I were a High School girl I am sure I would have been terrified. TERRIFIED. This dude spotted me across town – did he follow me, or did he just happen to be in the same two places I was in several hours?? Now, I am an adult, and I will hand ANYONE their ass if they come near me, BUT if I’m being treated this way – WHAT ABOUT REAL HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS?!

I ended the day disgusted with humanity. I’m lugging around my 8 year old, ten pound Dino of a laptop in my son’s beaten up backpack so I can attend a meeting I’d rather throw myself off a building than attend, and these sausages want to pick me up because I look like young meat? FUCK THAT, where’s Lorena Bobbitt when you need her?! I better not catch any dude even looking at young girls. WHERE THE HELL IS MY BAT? The world should breath a sigh of relief that I have a son, NOT a daughter.

Pervy, pervy World.

UGH. I need to go scrub with bleach.

XOXOXO

Catriona

Raise your hand if….

..you’ve been up since 5:30am.

Yeah, you see my hand? Yeah, that would be me. I’ve been up since then, yup.

I was woken up to a panicked child squished up against my bed, looking up at me, “Mom, Mom. I know it’s 5:30am, but the light in my room won’t work.”

Coffee fiend –  “Is it just your room, or the whole house hunny?”

Son – “It’s just my room. The rest of the house is fine. You know I don’t care about the rest of the house.” (he was also still half asleep)

Coffee fiend – “Ok, I’ll get the light bulbs.”

Son – “HERE.”  *shoves light bulbs at me*

Coffee fiend – “Hunny?”

Son – “Yes mom?”

Coffee fiend – “Please wait till after I’ve put on my glasses to start shoving things at me, ok?”

Son – “I’m sorry mom. I just hate it when the light in there is out. It should knock that off.”

Coffee fiend – “I know hunny. I’ll give it a good talkin’ to, don’t you worry.”

Son – *giggles*

Now, before you all start screamin “send him back to bed, it’s 5:30am, it’s not a big deal..bla bla!..” – ohhh but it is. There are a few things my son just cannot handle, and the light not working in his room is definitely one of them. There’s no way my child would go back to sleep knowing the light doesn’t work. No. Way. It has nothing to do with the darkness. He’s not scared of the dark. He doesn’t even really use the light in there often. It just has to be in functioning order when he wants it. Why? Because he got his momma’s quirkiness, lol.

Soooo yeah, by 6am I had already challenged how many coffee-fiending-monsters it takes to change a light bulb, and made Cinnamon buns.

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Hope you are all full of coffee this morning. I know I am. whooooo….

Catriona

Reader Appreciation Award

I was nominated for this award back in November of 2012 by a MightyTurk. I was over the moon and speechless to have received the award. At the time my life was overrun with Monkeys and Drama and AHHHHHHH! AHhahhaahha! I just now just sorta wondered back here so I want to accept and share!

 

 

I suggest you guys head over to MightyTurk‘s blog. His posts are always engaging, I friggen love the photos he posts. I’m definitely  jealous of this guy’s travels, jerk. HAHAHAH. Thanks for the nomination MightyTurk! You rock my (penis) socks!

The rules of this nomination:

1. Identify and show appreciation of the blogger who awarded you.
2. You must add the award logo to your blog.
3. Tell your readers 7 things about yourself.
4. You must nominate 5-10 of your favorite bloggers for this award.
5. Inform your nominees that you nominated them.

Seven things about myself, yikes. No one wants any of that! HAHHA. Fine:

1. I need to brush my hair, like, right now. Damn.

2. My issue with Coffee is way, way more complicated than any of you realize. We are in love, Coffee and I. We don’t care what you think.

3. I like the words “Bitchtits” & “Jackhole” entirely too much for it to be considered any kind of healthy.

4. I have questionable taste in Friends, apparently.

5. If I could do the horizontal polka with one appliance, it would be my French Press.

6. There may have been a change in my marital status in the last few months…

7. I’m craving jalapeno poppers.

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Nominate 5-10 Bloggers:

1. Keli Paan

2. Ajaytao

3. The Panama Adventure

4. Animalcouriers

5. MovieJoltz

6. MissyTwisted

7. Nicholiovich

8. beyondpaisley

9. Jess

10. Robert “Goat” Beveridge

 

Alright weirdos, I’m off to find some Jalapeno poppers. ❤

 

Catriona

 

 

 

 

HEY, Can’t you see I’m drooling here?!

Yeah, Hi. Good Morning.

I despise morning. Who ever invented mornings should be taken out back and shot. In the knee caps. Then, tied to an angry cow. Yeah, I said it. You know you were thinking it. Anrgry.Mother.Fuckin’.Cow.

Have you ever had one of those mornings where you sit in the other room listening to what you strongly HOPE is the coffee dripping into the cup, and not the floor, and wonder…..am I going to have to lick my coffee from the floor, agian… damn…… At home, I don’t have this issue because I use a coffee press not a mofoin’ one cup Keurig thingie. Evil Keurig. FUCK YOU KEURIG.

I’m getting old. I think I will pick up knitting. I think my first attempt at knitting will be a Penis Sock. Xmas is just around the corner and since a lot of people I love happen to own a penis – I need  to get going. The problem here is how does one go about deciding the size of the sock needed?……yeah, think about that one for a min.

Alright, I am off….heh….

 

Catriona

 

 

 

Coffee & Penis Socks?!

My office is a very odd room. I suspect it was a porch at one point remodeled to be part of the main structure. I’m not even sure what it is now, a mud room maybe? It’s a very narrow room with three very different doors on three different walls, complimented by very oddly shaped windows. I have beautiful  french doors on the far end, and a very heavy, old, wooden backdoor-ish looking door across from a “french door wannabe.” The two are lined up sorta  in the middle of the room. The only door that leads to the outside of the house is the “wannabe.”  Essentially what this means is; Setting up furniture in this room was a bitch AND when I get really frazzled, I can just run through a bunch of doors in a fairly small circle, without ever leaving the house. Something I’m sure I’ll admit to having done at least a few times in a later entry.

Doors, ah, that leads me to the topic at hand. I was sitting at my desk drinking my coffee, enjoying my morning, when the french doors caught my eye. I instantly remembered I had forgotten to look for, and buy a frog. Why did they remind me of frogs? Fuck if I know. Not a real one mind you. Just a frog to send to my sister as I do when Holidays or special events come around. She has a rather unhealthy obsession with frogs, and possibly apples. I’m an enabler.

So off to the internet I went. I came across a website I’ve never visited before: SunTeckStore.com. So me and my coffee searched for “frogs” in the site search bar, and got nothing. Hmmmmmm pretty sure I just saw one on the front page… So I simplified it: “Frog.”  Whoo hoo! Frogs were to be had after all! So I was perusing what a weird ass word all the frogage when all of a sudden I scrolled down to find THIS amongst all the frogs:

WHAT IN THE BLUE BLOODY HELL IS THAT?! Is that a penis sock?! Closer investigation reveals that YES it IS a penis sock, of sorts. It’s swim wear. For those times when you feel too uncomfortable to wear a speedo. If I had a penis I would order one in every color. I would go to public pools and test all those pesky socially excepted standards I keep hearing about. The real question here is: what does this have to do with a Frog and do I REALLY want to know the answer to that question? HELL YEAH I DO.

So after being far too amused by a penis sock I don’t get out much apparently, I decided to look around. You know,  because when you find a penis sock in the frog section – you know you are in for a fierce game of “what the hell tops that.” So off to clothing and accessories I went looking for scarves, btw – only to be slapped in the face with THIS:

 By this point, I was getting pissed. I happen to own a vagina, SO HOW DID I MISS THE MEMO ON THIS. What the hell is a C-String?! This thing looks like a DIY project gone wrong. Look what you can do with grandma’s old shoe horn! Besides the fact that I’m horrified by this concept where exactly does that “tail” go?!  –  I want to know exactly what geographic region this product sells the best in. I just have to know.  I’m pretty sure I could accomplish the same effect with an old eye patch and I assure you, I’ll be trying that one out later.

So now I feel like I need to go brush up on my Kink. Cuzz, you know, when a penis sock and a shoe horn sneak up on you like that, you know you are behind in your game.

All because of the fucking french doors.